The Random Ramblings of the Hiawatha Geek

Creamy Roasted Red Pepper Chicken Pasta for One

2011-04-26T13:36:00.000-04:00

Hey guys! Sorry I've been neglecting this blog, I've been really busy and also blogging elsewhere.
I thought I'd share a recipe today. I got the idea to do something with roasted red peppers from Pioneer Woman's recipe, but I didn't have all of the ingredients to make her version.

Creamy Roasted Red Pepper Chicken Pasta

Ingredients:

1 chicken breast

1/2 cup tomato puree

1/2 of a large red bell pepper

1 cup ricotta cheese

1/4 cup milk

1/4 of a large onion

2 cloves garlic

3 tbsp butter

Plenty of salt

Black pepper

Italian seasoning

1 cup Parmesan cheese

Broil or grill the red pepper (skin side up) until the outside is completely blackened. When finished, remove from heat and place immediately into a sealed ziploc bag (It needs to sweat!)

While the pepper is roasting, melt 3 tablespoons of butter in a large skillet. Dice the onion and garlic, and saute them in the butter. Remove to food processor.

Take the pepper out of the Ziploc (be careful! It's suuuuuper hot!) and remove the blackened skin. Gut the innards from the pepper. Chop the fleshy part into strips and add to food processor, along with half of the ricotta cheese. Puree until smooth, set aside.

Cut the chicken breast into strips and season liberally with salt, pepper, and Italian seasoning. Saute in the skillet you used for the onions and garlic until fully cooked. Dump in the pepper sauce mixture, the remaining ricotta, the Parmesan, and a splash of milk. Stir until blended, simmer on low to medium heat for a few minutes, adding more Italian seasoning and salt to taste.

Cook the pasta of your choice (I used whole wheat spaghetti) in salted water until al dente, place in bowl.

Using tongs, put the strips of chicken on top of the pasta. Add more sauce to pasta if desired. Top with more Italian seasoning or fresh herbs of your choice and plenty of Parmesan cheese. Enjoy!

Macro Practice

2011-03-24T20:44:00.000-04:00

Tonight, while I was sitting on the couch, browsing tumblr and facebook and generally being useless, I looked out the window. The sun was just starting to set over the snow-covered field. Suddenly, I had a burst of inspiration. I bounded up, grabbed my camera and macro filter, pulled on my boots, and ran out the door. There was a vision in my head of what I wanted to see through my viewfinder, and I didn't click until I found it.

2011-03-14T00:13:00.000-04:00

It's that time of year again. The hints of warmth on the breeze tease my nose with summer's seductive scents. Daylight Savings Time has passed, and the sun goes down later and later each evening. My heart is feeling the tug, the memories are flooding back more strongly. I'm restless. My legs twitch. My lungs long for clean, warm air. The thoughts in my head focus on bonfires, long drives, and open windows. My soul desires friendship, laughter, naps in the sun, and my favorite dog. It's nearly impossible to focus on anything for an extended amount of time. Work drags on and on. My heart aches for summertime.

Let's Pack Up and Move to California

2011-03-02T19:06:00.000-05:00

Otherwise known as California Spring Break: Day 1

The morning of the day I left is a blur of packing, showering, checklists, frantically searching for items I haven't needed since summer, and painting my toenails. My watch broke into two pieces while I was packing, so Mom and I stopped at WalMart on the way to Flint. From Flint, Dad and I drove to Eureka and met Kaylie.

I hung out with Kaylie for a while (FINALLY!) before she drove me to the airport. I checked my suitcase (43.5 pounds. Phew.) and went through the super secret hotel security gate within about 5 minutes. Then I checked my ticket and headed toward gate 31C. I walked through a trippy underground corridor with moving sidewalks and light-up glass walls set to music, and finally found concourse C. "Weird," I thought, "I've never been to this concourse before. And most of these are commuter flights."

Eventually, I found a departures board. My flight was listed as on time... at gate A23. I checked my ticket again, and sure enough, 31C was my SEAT number. I scolded myself and turned around.

As for the flight itself, I had the aisle seat, and the middle seat was empty, so I had plenty of room-or as close to "plenty of room" as is possible on an airplane. The family behind me was eating pickles, and the man across the aisle had boiled eggs, so I spent a lot of the flight trying not to breathe. I read 2 chapters of my philosophy book, watched some late night talk shows, and read the latest issue of AP.

We landed on time, and I headed towards baggage claim. On the way to the carousel, I saw a small, blonde person with extremely long hair... which, of course, was Jenney. We hugged, I got my bag, and we got in her mom's truck. It took around 15 minutes to get back to her house, where I ate some delicious cheese. We talked in her room until midnight (3 am Michigan time) then I fell asleep when she went to get food.

Sick Day

2011-02-27T23:38:00.000-05:00

Last night at work, I noticed my throat starting to scratch and my head starting to hurt. I swallowed a couple Tylenol, drank some water, and thought nothing of it.
This morning when I woke up, it was worse, but I decided to try to go to church anyway. I made it to the offering before asking Mom for her keys and heading home. On the way home I called into work. Mark told me that I had to have a doctor's note tomorrow, since this is my second sick day. How convenient for me.

I got home at 11, went downstairs, and went to sleep. At 4:00, I woke up, ate some lunch, and went back to bed for a couple more hours. I've been awake from around 6:30 until now, and I'm going to sleep in a couple minutes. Sore throat, headache, low fever, extreme fatigue... basically, the exact same thing Bo's had lately.

So, I have to go to the doctor tomorrow, pack, go to the library, and finish my lesson plans, before 3:30. I work 3:30-9 tomorrow night, then 8-2:30 on Tuesday, then I'm leaving for California! I am SO READY for this vacation. Get ready, Jenney-- I am going to do some HARDCORE relaxing in between our movies, zoo trip, theatre night, cooking, beach days, tacos, Bergsteining, and laughter.

Prayers that I'll feel better soon would be greatly appreciated. I hate being sick, and it always happens at such inopportune times. :/

Extreme Makeover: My Room Edition

2011-02-23T20:48:00.001-05:00

I had Tuesday off, so I decided to tackle a MUCH needed task-- cleaning my room. And by "much needed," I mean, "I still hadn't unpacked the suitcase I took to my grandparents' house for Christmas."

Before... note the bag from winter retreat, the clothes all over the couch, the junk on the floor, and the wide-angle-lens distortion :)

During... Two boxes of stuff to get rid of, and half the clothes from my closet

Dirty clothes, stuff that goes upstairs, stuff to give away, and trash. Also, my heater.

So. Many. Hangers.

After! Sooo clean! Moved my bed to the other wall, took out the couch, dusted, vacuumed... ahhhh.

My bookshelf. Dan Stadt turned all of those bottles upside down when he stayed in my room at New Years. I didn't notice for a week.

Another view... note the desk, Peruvian flag, letter on the bed, aaaand, wide-angle lens distortion :)

Mandarin Chicken- The (super) Easy Way

2011-02-23T19:14:00.000-05:00

I found all of these pictures on my camera, and I can only guess that I intended to blog this "recipe." Although, it's not so much of a recipe as it is a way to use store-bought sauce... but it's still delicious.

Gather: instant rice, garlic salt, cumin, an egg, Mandarin Sauce (make your own if you're more ambitious than I am), lemon juice, olive oil, cherry tomatoes (or grape tomatoes. or Roma. or any kind of tomatoes, really), an onion, and one large boneless skinless chicken breast.

Chop the chicken breast into (roughly) 1-inch cubes and sprinkle with garlic and cumin.

Go easy on the cumin. It's a pretty distinct flavor (sort of like chili-cheese Fritos) and can be overpowering.

Put a tablespoon or two of olive oil in a frying pan and throw in the chicken, diced onion (about 1/2 cup), and chopped tomatoes (1/2 cup to a cup)

When most of the chicken is white on the outside, and the oil is bubbling, make a well in the middle of your pan.

Turn the heat to medium-high. (I have no idea why I took a picture of this)

Crack your egg into the well and...

...scramble it up with the chicken and veggies

Pour in a capful or two of lemon juice.

Add around 1/8 to 1/4 cup of mandarin sauce

Then turn the heat to low and let it simmer for about 10 minutes, stirring occasionally

The sauce will get less... well... saucy... as the food simmers.

Cut open a couple pieces of chicken to make sure they're fully cooked.

Serve it up over a bed of white rice. I used instant, but I'm sure "real" rice would be even better.

Yum.

Retreat Recap

2011-02-18T19:11:00.000-05:00

(I think I've been neglecting this blog a little bit. My apologies :/ I've been blogging elsewhere, and have forgotten to stop in here. Of course, since pretty much only Jenney reads this blog... I don't feel too awful.)

Last weekend was the CRF Winter Retreat, and it was positively epic. I got to spend tons of quality time with some of my favorite people ever. Here are a few of the many pictures :)

Maggie, Bruna, and I, shortly after arriving at Portage Lake (approximately 1 am)

Andrea and I on the bus to Caberfae Peaks.

I absolutely LOVE these girls.

Dawn and I are super legit. And by "Dawn and I," I mean, "Dawn."

My non-skiing buddy <3

My best friend <3

I just love my Maggie.

Laughing with Levi is the best thing ever.

Look! A smile!

Errrrrbody do the John Wall, the John Wall, the John Wall

Errrrbody do the Narwhal, the Narwhal, the Narwhal

Wittenbach family Christmas Card photo. Tradition.

I simply adore them

My favorite German cousin

It's SNUGGIE time.

Praying and Pondering.

2011-01-24T23:46:00.000-05:00

I've been feeling a tugging on my heart from God regarding what I do with my summers. I have no idea what this tugging means, if it will lead to something different or simply to a change in my attitude regarding my current plans. However, I was in the car alone for about 3 hours today. This song came on towards the beginning of my drive, and I repeated it several times while praying and thinking...particularly about the verse I have pasted below.

I've lived in this place and I've known all the faces

Each one is different, but they're always the same

They mean me no harm, but it's time that I face it

They'll never allow me to change

And I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong

I'm movin' on.

2011-01-18T21:58:00.001-05:00

I GOT INTO MOODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Standard Day

2011-01-15T20:08:00.000-05:00

Wake Up
Drink a breakfast shake
Go to work
Come home
Flop on couch
Eat dinner
Stare at computer for an hour or so
Shower by 8
In bed by 9
Asleep by 10
No big deal.

Working Girl

2011-01-12T23:00:00.000-05:00

So, today I got a job as a cashier at the local grocery store
30-ish hours a week, minimum wage. One weekend off a month.
It's your typical "I'm 18 and in high school and need money job."
I start training tomorrow.

About an hour after I got home from that interview, my mom called.
"How was your interview?"
"I got the job?"
"Want another one?"
"..."

Apparently, the Spanish teacher at Bo's school is leaving, and they need someone to fill her spot.
On a whim, my mom suggested me. And the principal got super excited.
So. Now, if the scheduling works out, I will be cashiering 30 hours a week, teaching Spanish on Wednesdays from 8:00-2:30, doing Philosophy online through Moody, and making some serious ca$h.
(My deepest apologies for just spelling cash with a dollar sign. I was possessed momentarily.)

This semester might not end up being so laid-back after all.

It's Not Easy

2011-01-09T22:00:00.000-05:00

It’s not easy, being here with you. So many emotions bubble constantly to the surface, and I struggle to keep my face from betraying them—that would just confuse and upset you even more.

“Now, was that my sister who was just here?” you ask-after your daughter leaves- and I hurry to the bathroom before you can see my tears. When Grandpa tells me that you couldn’t remember your name to tell the doctor, my throat closes up and my eyes begin to itch before my brain has registered his entire sentence. The constant questions about who you are, what we’re doing next, who I am, who your family is, what I’m doing here, and how you’re supposed to perform basic functions—leave me to hide in the bathroom, cry in the car, and blame my puffy eyes on allergies.

It’s not always sad, though, sometimes it’s frustrating. “What is that you say you’re making?” you’ll ask. I answer, you put away a dish or two, and then, “Now what is that called that you said you were making?” This will repeat three or four times, sometimes more. I get annoyed on the inside, shove the feeling down, and struggle to answer with a smile again. Within minutes, I’m feeling guilty. You can’t help it, this repeating of the questions. I should be happy that you can remember why I’m standing at the stove at all.

I watch you sit down with a newspaper. Perhaps you remember that the doctor told you to read more, perhaps you just saw it and decided to pick it up. I know that within minutes, you will be asking questions about its content, what certain words mean, and “Now, Gene, do we know who this thing is talking about?”

We try to get around the emotion of it all. We make jokes, we ignore the facts, we pretend like I’m only here to visit my friends. “Well, even I occasionally forget why I walked into a room,” we say. It’s easy for me to avoid reality when I’m sitting at home. I can let the glass be half-full when I’m only remembering, not experiencing. It’s not easy, being here with you. Every question, every repeated word, every forgotten name—digs at my heart a little harder, dampens my spirits a little more.

Let's See How Far We've Come

2011-01-09T00:19:00.002-05:00

[Typing that title got this song stuck in my head.]

Anyway. I was reading through an old journal last night (something I do from time to time, when I don't have any books to read at the moment) and came across this poem-written after looking at some childhood photos. It's from almost exactly a year ago, when I thought nothing would ever get better. I had lost two close friends, and within a week of its writing, would (temporarily) lose someone I thought I couldn't live without. It amazes me how clearly I remember writing this, how awful I felt, and how far I've come since then. God has reshaped and redefined many of my friendships, removed a couple, and--most importantly--reminded me that He is all I truly need. With the disclaimer out of the way, I'm posting this poem as a reminder... a reminder that God ALWAYS knows what He is doing, and that even when we don't think things will get any better- He knows what will happen.

Oh little girl, with your bad teeth

And stupid glasses

You don't know how lucky you are

Not a care in the world

Always searching for the spotlight

No idea how lucky you are

Your best friend is in your head

He's 18, so he can drive, and he'd never hurt you

You don't understand how luck you are

The only reason for tears is leaving your grandparents

Rejection and loneliness are nothing more than words to sound out

Why can't you see how lucky you are?

Dear little girl, with your sweatpants

And awkward haircut

If only they would tell you how lucky you are

Pain is falling off your bike

Sorrow is flushing your fish down the toilet

Soak in how lucky you are

You don't know the difference between doctrine and a doctor

You just want the waitress to know about Jesus

Oh, sweet little girl, how lucky you are

You never doubt yourself, you always want to be first

No one has ever let you feel anything less than worthy

Oh, my dear, how lucky you are

Your parents know everything, why wouldn't they?

Your tears-only because of physical pain-have no reason to be hidden

Why can't you see how incredibly lucky you are?

Dear sweet little girl, oh awkward little girl

They should have told you what was coming

So that you could appreciate how lucky you are

Those things you take for granted?

They're going to crumble

Friendships, confidence, emotions, sleep...

You'll try to remind yourself how lucky you are

You'll sit awake at 3 am, tears streaming

Abandoned, lonely, confused, and deserted

Wishing you still felt how lucky you are

That imaginary friend has been replaced by real ones

Who rip your heart out and step on it

Now look how lucky you are

Your parents no longer know everything

Your home sometimes feels much more like prison

You can't recall how lucky you are

You'll scream out to God for some vestige of hope

Something to cling to like a life raft

Anything to remind you how lucky you are

My dear little girl, soak it in

The glasses, sweatpants, and awkward hair

Oh, how lucky you are

Your confidence, your obnoxious ways

You're so naive, so content to be yourself

You have no idea how lucky you are

Soak it in, sweet little girl

Soon, you'll be crying in your bed

Writing poems about the time when you didn't realize

How lucky you were

Resolved.

2011-01-01T19:52:00.000-05:00

New Year's Resolutions:

Read my Bible. Every day.
Write to all my campers.
Be healthier.

Doable?

Birfday!!!

2010-12-26T23:10:00.000-05:00

I have the greatest friends in the whole entire world.

How to Avoid Studying for a Chemistry Exam: A Guide

2010-12-21T13:42:00.000-05:00

1. Reset your alarm 3 times... ultimately changing your wake up time from 7:30 am to 9:45 am

2. Finish administrative assistant work for Dad, taking as long as possible to make phone calls and record contact information.

3. Read through unread items on Google Reader- after all, you wouldn't want to miss any breaking news.

4. Wander through house looking for ideal study place.

5. Gather chemistry book, notebook, pencils, multi-colored pens, etc

6. Set up study place to allow optimal studying aesthetics.

7. Realize that your study place is located in a prime location for Christmas light bokeh. Follow through with realization by snapping some photos.

8. Text someone about how much you hate studying for exams.

9. Take pictures of the presents.

10. Realize that you're really quite hungry.

11. Make and eat lunch.

12. Decide to turn the photos you've taken into some sort of blog post.

13. Download a new Lightroom preset for the occasion.

14. Edit said photos in Lightroom.

15. Write blog.

16. Upload pictures.

17. Realize that you've successfully avoided studying for 6 hours.

18. Start to think about studying.

19. Repeat as needed.

Epic Quotes and Awesomesauce

2010-11-16T11:07:00.000-05:00

So, Jonny and I went to see Close Your Eyes, The Word Alive, Underoath, and A Day to Remember, on Sunday, at the Orbit Room in GR. It was easily the most hardcore show I've ever been to, and it was definitely in the top 3 shows I've ever been to (With the Underoath/ABR/Emery show last year, and The Classic Crime in May). There were lots of epic quotes from the evening, so I'm gonna pull a Lady G and list them.

[[Warning: Some of the people there did not have good language. I will censor. But unless you live under a rock, you'll probably know what they were saying. Mmmkthxbye.]]

*Standing in line*
Kid: Anyone got an extra ticket? Anybody? I've got forty bucks straight up for anyone who's got an extra ticket.
*blank stares*
Kid: FINE. I'll double it. Sixty.
Me: *to Jonny, but not as quietly as I intended* That's not double. Double would be eighty. I may be homeschooled, but I can do most basic math.
Kid in front of us: Hey man, if the homeschooler's correcting your math, you better move on.

Guard at door: ID. *marks our hands* Go in there.
Jonny: Oh, thank you, sir.
Me: Shut up. Stop thanking everyone you meet.

*Inside*
Close Your Eyes: THIS is my worship. THIS is my life.
CYE: CIRCLE PIT! CIRCLE PIT!

The Word Alive: I want to see this place moving from side to *censored* side.
TWA: When I say MOVE, I want you to *censored* MOVE. And not a moment before. 3...2...1... ATTACK! MOVE!

Jonny: I want to crowdsurf.
Me: Go! I've only seen one person fall on their head and get dragged out by the security guards.
Jonny: ...

Jonny: I'M GOING IN! *leaps into mosh pit*

Spencer (Underoath): I want you guys to know, that Jesus is the reason we do all this. We're not trying to shove anything down your throat, or judge you, but He IS the only way, and He IS the only reason we're able to be on this stage, rocking your teeth out tonight.

Me: You are SO sweaty.
Jonny: It's not my sweat.

Random drunk girl to me: Is THAT the new BLACKBERRY?
Me: No...
Her: I WAS SO EXCITED!

*After*

Guard at door: You kids have a good night.
Jonny: Thank you! You too, sir
Me: STOP. DOING. THAT.

Jonny: What are you doing?
Me: *running THROUGH massive puddles* I don't even care. I'm so hyper. I just almost got hit by a car. I'm just going through them.
Jonny: Follow me!
Me: I don't jump!
Jonny: PRANCE!

Jonny: I can't hear anything
Me: I bet we're screaming at each other in this car right now.
Jonny: We probably are.

Me: I went to a concert with Emilyy last year-
Jonny: Too soon?

And then there were the moments of sheer epicawesomewinsauceness.
*Jonny moshing AND crowdsurfing
*Toilet paper being thrown around the crowd.
*Random hardcore-dancing-kid man-hugging Jonny... twice.
*Throat clearing in the middle of "I'm Made of Wax, Larry, What Are You Made Of"
*Downfall. Of. Us. All. Enough said.

And If I Do Not Miss A Part Of You, A Part Of Me Is Dead

2010-11-09T21:21:00.000-05:00

You still cross my mind from time to time
And I mostly smile
Still so set on finding out
Where we went wrong and
Why
So I retrace our every step with an unsure pen
Try to figure out what my head thinks
But
My head, just ain't what it used to be
Then again
What's the point anyway?
I remember you ascending all the stairs up to the balcony
To see if you could see me, hidden quietly away
I remember the skin of your fingers
The spot three-quarters of mine always touched when I was out of things to say
You held my hand but you were to afraid to speak
You were to afraid to speak and I could never understand
I remember when you leaned in quick to kiss me and I swear
Not a single force on earth could stop the trembling of my hand.
I remember how you smiled through the smoke
In a crowded little coffee house
And laughed at all my jokes
and I remember the way that you dressed
How we wasted all the best of us in alcohol and sweat
And I remember when I knew that you'd be leaving
How I barely kept on breathing
And I swear if we could do it all again
I'd feel the same pain
I remember painting circles in the terminal in tears
How I wept to God in fits
I've hated airports ever since!
It must be true what people say
That only time can heal the pain
And every single day I feel it fade away
But
I still remember how the distance tricked us
And led us helpless by the wrist
Into a pit to be devoured
I still remember how we held so strong to this
Though we had never really settled on a way out
I still remember the silence
And how we'd always find a way to turn and run to our mistakes
I still remember how it all came back together
Just to fall apart again.
My dear, I hear your voice in mine
I've been alone here, I've been afraid, my dear
I've been at home here, you've been away for years, I've been alone
I breathed your name into the air
I etched your name into me
I felt my anger swelling, I swam into its sea
I held your name inside my heart
But it got buried in my fear
It tore the wiring of my brain
I did my best to keep it clear.
So dear, no matter how we part
I hold you sweetly in my head.
And if I do not miss a part of you
A part of me is dead.
If I can't love you as a lover
I will love you as a friend
And I will lay a bed before you
Keep you safe until the end.
-Andria

I just posted most of that from memory. I need to go listen to La Dispute for about 3 hours now. It's been too long. Their lyrics are just so raw and gorgeous.

2010-11-08T22:57:00.000-05:00

"And a woman who had a hemorrhage for twelve years, and could not be healed by anyone, came up behind Him and touched the fringe of His cloak, and immediately her hemorrhage stopped."

12 years. For 12 years, this woman had been ill. She had been unclean, shunned, cast out from society. Friendless, rejected by her family, hated by even the church- all because of a physical problem which she could not stop.

One day, she heard that Jesus would be passing through. She had heard stories about his miracles and healing, but she knew that she, an unclean woman, would never be permitted to speak to Jesus. Risking everything, she went into the public eye, amongst the crowds. She heard cheering and talking, and suddenly, there He was.

She reached out her hands, stretched her fingers, just a little bit farther.... and she brushed one of the fringes on his cloak. He stopped, and turned around. She tried to hide...

"And Jesus said, 'Who is the one who touched Me?' And while they were all denying it, Peter said, 'Master, the people are crowding and pressing in on You.' But Jesus said, 'Someone did touch Me, for I was aware that power had gone out of Me.' When the woman saw that she had not escaped notice, she came trembling and fell down before Him, and declared in the presence of all the people the reason why she had touched Him, and how she had been immediately healed. And He said to her, 'Daughter, your faith has made you well; go in peace.'

Faith. We talk about it a lot. The word is thrown around in church like a football in the Super Bowl. But this woman, she displayed faith. She reached out as far as she could, satisfied with just touching the garments of Jesus. She wasn't asking to hold His hand, or sit down with Him for an hour. She was content to touch a FRINGE on his cloak, knowing that would be enough to heal her.

aklm ;lwi al imlwi mr;l3i m;lKM! :L#Km

2010-11-02T21:13:00.000-04:00

Time for some randomness again.

I AM GOING TO SEE UNDEROATH AND A DAY TO REMEMBER. In *counts* 11 days.

Hoo-Ah-Lay-Ah! (Ah-lay-ah-lay-ah-HOO!)

School tomorrow. Blegh. I hope there are parking spots.

SAT Saturday. Blegh again. I hate math. Stupid math. And while we're on it... I also hate chemistry a bunch.

Is it second semester yet? No math, no science, just Spanish and Philosophy. Plus I'll know if I'm going to Moody.

I wanna go to Moody.

Ian and Avery are coming this weekend. (!!!) I love those small children.

I have a headache. I need to shower. I think I'll go downstairs and shower and do my Bible study and go to sleep. Sweet, sweet sleep.

Upcoming Excitement/Plans:
SAT/Lunch with Gloria: 3 Days
Hillsdale: 8 Days
Underoath: 11 Days
Dowagiac: 18 Days
PIATT LAKE: 22 Days.

WOOOOOHOOOOO!!!
(I'm in a weird mood right now)

Peruvian Best Friend

2010-10-31T19:50:00.002-04:00

I'm sitting here at my table, choking back tears. Why? My best friend is moving on Thursday.

This isn't your ordinary move- a few cities over, maybe a state or two. It's not even cross-country.

No, Ben is moving from Lima, Peru, to Zurich, Switzerland. My dear, dear Peruvian best friend, whom I see once a year, will now be even further from me.

Such an eternal connection has been formed in the 3 years I've known him. I can't even believe that he's moving.

When we said goodbye in Peru this year, we knew that there was a chance. There was a chance he wouldn't be there in 2011, a chance he would be in Switzerland.

I clung to that hope while at the airport. It was the only way I could possibly keep it together.

I have never been good with goodbyes. Saying goodbye for a year is bad enough. I could not let myself consider the possibility that it was goodbye for... forever.

Those final hugs, choked back tears, last insults... they've become more poignant now. I can't imagine a Peru trip without Ben. Who am I supposed to share my iPod with?!

Sure, we'll be able to talk once he gets to Switzerland and finds an internet cafe. Of course, I'll send him letters and blow my money on international calling cards. But having no idea when and if I will see him again on this earth... it's heartwrenching.

Who is going to insult me, then laugh and say "just kidding, dude?" Who's going to speak with that great Beaner accent?

Ben Castillo del Geiser... I am going to miss you so incredibly much. I will look forward to Heaven even more now.

Random memories are coursing through my brain... so here we go.

This year, Ben was at the airport when we got to Pucallpa. I sprinted through the crowd to hug him, and as he hugged me back he said "I just cropdusted you."

Gooch Monkey. The end.
How much does "THIS" cost?
The first year... watching youtube videos and listening to music at his house.
Being connected by an iPod cord no matter where we went.

The "blessing" on his last night this year.

I'm sorry that this is so rambling and not correct grammatically and whatever. It helped to get it out.

2010-10-25T11:47:00.002-04:00

Everyone in this room seems hell-bent on annoying me to death today.

My Dreams vs. Your Dreams

2010-10-20T13:21:00.001-04:00

A long time ago (8th or 9th grade), I attended a youth rally in Southgate. Most of it, to be honest, was really lame... local bands, a youth pastor who had never had any form of training.. but one point from one speaker really stuck with me. He read

Psalm 34:7, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."

Then he talked about how often this verse is misinterpreted. So many people read this verse and think "Oh, cool! I'm a Christian now, so now I'm going to get whatever I want!" When that doesn't happen, they get mad at God, feeling like they've been gipped somehow. That, obviously, is incorrect.

We were told to focus on the first part of the verse, "Delight yourself in the Lord." To delight ourselves in the Lord means finding all of our joy and our delight in Him and Him alone. It means leaning wholeheartedly on Him, and trusting in His plan. THEN, said the speaker, the desires of our heart will begin to be the same as God's desires for us, and we will realize and attain those desires.

Paraphrasing, this verse would then read:

Delight yourself in the Lord, and His desires will become Your desires, and then He will give you the desires of your heart (which are the desires of His heart for you.)

This brings us to today. As I read and ate lunch, my mind started wandering. It started traveling into the land of What If, the country of If Only, and the continent of I Wish. While I was thinking and praying about a certain situation, I prayed "Oh Lord, that is truly my dream."

Then, in the same breath, a fraction of a second later, a burst of realization "Of course, that doesn't matter, until my dream and Your dream are the same. Until I am truly delighting myself in You."

2010-10-14T00:00:00.002-04:00

I can't begin to explain how I feel about this poem.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

--ee cummings

Miriam Adeney

2010-10-13T23:59:00.000-04:00

"You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart always will be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place." -Miriam Adeney, anthropologist.

I read this quote in College Park Church's Vision Trip manual, which I'm currently reading for a project I'm working on for Pastor Doug. The quote was in relation to debriefing from a missions trip. Tears sprang (sprung?) to my eyes the second I read it, because it is SO TRUE.

No matter where I go, no matter what I'm doing, Peru is always so close to the surface. I am always restless. The mere sound of Spanish being spoken makes my heart leap. Certain smells and tastes take me back almost immediately to those smoky, dusty streets. A picture, a song, a memory, a random quote, and I'm in tears again.

PART OF MY HEART will always be there. I will never be completely at home again.

Random Happiness

2010-10-13T21:40:00.000-04:00

As I was trudging down the hall towards my Spanish classroom today, I glanced at the drinking fountain. I'm not entirely certain why I glanced at the drinking fountain, maybe to size up its cleanliness for future reference. At any rate, my glance led to a second glance, which led to me spotting a piece of folded paper.

"Please open," said the paper in bubbly, girlish handwriting. Curiosity got the best of me, and I obliged. "You never know what a simple compliment will do to someone's day. Have a wonderful day! Keep this trend going around the campus- leave your compliment somewhere random at Mott!"

A burst of unrelated sentences

2010-09-30T23:19:00.000-04:00

This weekend is going to be busy. I am falling in love with photography. Mike Yankoski is cool. The Hillsdale County Fair is the place to be. I just shaved my legs. Today was spent cleaning. And then cleaning some more. I had Chinese for dinner. Goodwill trips are the best, especially when I find a giant old picture frame to use as a prop. Man vs. Wild makes me feel nauseous.

I GOT POSTED ON THE SPARKLIFE BLOG: http://community.sparknotes.com/2010/09/30/a-day-in-the-life-of-a-dual-enrolled-student
Party.in.the.epa. :)

There Y'are

2010-09-24T00:33:00.000-04:00

Shmancy new design courtesy of Green Leaves Blog Remodeling Services. :)

Cheers!

- Lady G

2010-09-23T23:15:00.003-04:00

Doy gracias a mi Dios cada vez que me acuerdo de ustedes. -Filipenses 1:3

Ay, mi familia peruana. Te extraño mucho. Yo quiero estar en Pucallpa ahora.

Ustedes estan en mi corazon, ahora y por siempre.

Grand Getaway

2010-09-22T11:48:00.003-04:00

Last weekend, my family went to the Grand Hotel, on Mackinac Island, for the weekend.

There are no cars allowed on the island, so the main forms of transportation are horses

And bikes.

We spent Thursday afternoon walking around downtown

It had just rained, so the light was beautiful :)

We had a casual dinner at The Jockey Club (delicious) on Thursday night.

Spent Friday walking around downtown some more.

Then, we had dinner in the main dining room on Friday night. The Grand Hotel has a long-standing tradition that after 6 pm, all men must be in jackets and ties, and all women must be in dresses or "very nice pantsuits."

Even Ian and Avery :)

We do family pictures when we're all up there, since there aren't many other times that our family is all together AND dressed up.

BoBo!

Mi familia

The whole family

Such a good looking family :)

Dining room

Fancy shmancy.

The main dining room's menu includes a lot of really big French and Italian foodie words.

You get 5 courses: Appetizer, Soup, Salad, Main Course, and Dessert

I had Grilled Pineapple with Whipped Marscapone and Wildflower Honey Syrup (pictured), Beef Broth with Sherry and Herb-Mallow Celestine, Vine-Ripened Tomatoes and Buffalo Mozzarella Pearls with Ginger-Balsamic Vinaigrette, Garlic Roasted Prime Rib of Beef with Creamed Spinach Brioche, and Blood Orange Angel Food Cake with Caramel Sauce.

Yes. That IS a lot of food. No. I did not eat it all. Yes. It WAS absolutely delicious.

We left the Island on Saturday night after dinner at The Gate House (The Grand's "sports bar" restaurant- at the bottom of the hill.) The Ferry ride back to Mackinaw City was FREEZING, but there was the most beautiful sunset I've seen this side of Piatt Lake. I'll end with a few pictures of that.

(Jenney: I am SO SORRY that my horizons aren't on a third. I'll try to do better next time. *cowers*)

Tell Someone About Blogs Day

2010-09-19T01:14:00.002-04:00

So, apparently, someone-or-another made up this holiday. I'm pretty sure only one person reads my blog, and since she mentioned me on her blog (HEY! Maybe more people will read mine now! WIN.), I figured I would return the favor and make a list.
Unfortunately, I'm a day (technically two) late. The "holiday" was September 17.

Lady G- She posts pictures, poems, stories, essays, and random things about life. She also happens to owe me a letter.
Pioneer Woman- Recipes, photography, blogging, humor, contests. Hilarious.
SparkLife- Two Words: Dan. Bergstein.
Quiet Life- I first discovered Mizz Booshay (Donna Boucher)'s blog through The Pioneer Woman. Donna posts photography articles for P-Dub. Upon visiting Donna's blog, I discovered LOTS of photography things, recipes, and articles about living an unashamed Christian faith. Good stuff.
Jess Van Lue- My favorite local photographer
Jasmine Star- My favorite wedding/engagement photographer. She's from CA, and I stalk her blog ;)

That's it, I guess. Do me a favor? If you read my blog, and you are NOT a girl from SAN with crazy-long blonde hair and a penchant for cooking, drop me a comment :)

2010-09-11T00:24:00.000-04:00

Mom and I made Lomo Saltado for dinner tonight. My favorite Peruvian dish, Lomo Saltado consists of beef tips, tomatoes, red peppers, onions, and garlic- stir-fried in a mixture of soy sauce, cumin, and vinegar, and served on top of french fries. We tried to make patacones (plantains, fried, smashed, and fried again) to go with it, but they didn't turn out. Served it with white rice, and I drank my last Inca Kola.

Other than the patacones, the food was delicious. It took me back to those nights at Los Rosales, talking and laughing in a flowing mixture of Spanish and English, and loving with my whole heart. I know that statement seemed really out of place, in this random "here's what happened today" post, but I don't really care. It's true. I miss it so much.

Naturally, the dinnertime conversation was on Peru, and I finally got up the nerve to ask Dad about going early. He responded pretty positively, said we can talk about it. Since it wasn't a flat out no, that makes me hopeful! I would have to raise at least half of the money by myself, but I swear, I won't buy anything except gas from now until then if it means I can go early!

Blogging my Community College Registration Trials

2010-09-07T11:46:00.000-04:00

Beginning of the summer: I tell Mom that to get a jump on things, I should register for my fall classes now. I do, with no problems. Chemistry in Clio from 11:00-12:30 on Monday and Wednesday, leaving me an hour to drive to Flint for Spanish from 1:30-3:30. On Mondays, I'll go back to Clio from 6-9 pm for Intro to Psych. No classes on Tuesday or Thursday, no classes before 11=Perfect.

Middle of July: Bored in the staff office, I decide to check my MCC student email account (something I do maybe, MAYBE, once a month.) I click on the email labeled "URGENT" and realize that if I don't pay for those classes the NEXT day, I will be dropped from all of them.
I run to the main office, scream something along the lines of "I have to go to my mom's my classes will be cancelled we're all gonna dieeeee" to Laurie, and leave the Miracle Building.
By the time I get to my mom's cabin (about 5 minutes later), I have ANOTHER email on my MCC student account, telling me that the payment deadline has been extended by two weeks. I figure, I'm already down here, so I go ahead and pay for the classes.

August 30-ish: Dad wakes me up with the phone in his hand.
"Sorry to awaken the Princess at the early hour of 10, but Mott wants to talk to you."
I take the phone, clear my throat, and croak "Hello?"
"Hi Alyssa!" says an all to chipper voice. "This is [I forgot] at the Northern Tier Center! I just wanted to let you know that your Chemistry class has been cancelled due to low enrollment! You'll have to register for 1 of the 3 open classes! There's a 9 am MW in Flint, a 1:30-3:30 MW in Flint, and a night class in Lapeer! What? You didn't want classes before 11, and the other Flint class is during your Spanish class? Sorry! Guess you're screwed! This IS Mott after all. Students first! Ha! Okay, buh bye hon! Have a great day!"
(note: embellishment can be neither confirmed nor denied.)

Sept. 3: I resign myself to taking the 9 am class in Flint. This will require me to sit on campus, in Flint, for 3 hours in between classes, but hey, who cares? At least there's a lot to do at Mott. And it's a really pretty campus, with some great people. (MY HAND IS RAISED SO HIGH IT'S BREAKING THROUGH THE CEILING.)

Upon registering for the class, I go to my account summary to make sure they didn't charge me. There's no charge for the class, but there IS a $3 Drop/Add fee. For the class that the college CANCELLED just SEVEN DAYS BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS. I resolve to call them later, and go to bed.

Today: After trying several other options, I decide to take a World History course online through MCC in between my MW classes. At least it will give me something to do, right? I log on to the website, find the class, click register, and... nope. Of course it's not that easy.
"Prerequisite not met: DLES-100."
I call the school. They inform me that this is a 3 hour, free, online course that is required before any online class can be taken through Mott. It teaches the basics of email, internet, and computer usage.
I hang up, hit my head on the table, and go watch Gilmore Girls.

Don't Tell Me It's Over

2010-08-26T23:05:00.000-04:00

I've never dealt well with the end of summer. It's always been hard to let go of days filled with worship, games, and friends; and nights filled with stars, laughter, more worship, and girl time. In the past, it wasn't easy to go home, to be back under authority, back to school. It's always been difficult to be away from people I was with every day for months.

In the past, though, I had a best friend at home. I had someone who would share in my pain. I wasn't alone looking at pictures and finding the PERFECT songs. The end of the summer was bad, but not so bad. It wasn't the end of socialization or the end of being with my friends.

This year, however, the end of the summer is even worse than most. I'm not just leaving freedom, I'm leaving all of my close friends. I'm not just going home, I'm going back to being mostly alone.

Just don't tell me it's over.

In which the author jumps back in as though she never left.

2010-08-20T01:20:00.000-04:00

TOMORROW TOMORROW TOMORROW!!!! Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow, you're only a daaaaay aaawwaaaayyy!!!
What?
What's that?
You want to know why I am so excited for tomorrow?
...
TOO BAD. I'm not going to tell you. Nanner nanner.
Oh.
What?
What's that?
We're not in second grade anymore?
*shrugs*
News to me.
Fine. I'll tell you.

Tomorrow, Mom and I shall drive to Dowagiac (or Dowa-wa, as Emiller calls it.) We're going to watch the DUHS alumni soccer game, which will pit Craiger and E-Train against each other in an epic battle of the best friends. THEN, the great fun begins. Following the game, we're gathering at la casa de Pastor Douglas y Tia Marilyn for a bonfire, complete with s'mores, hot dogs, and (almost) ALL OF MY DOWAGIAC PEOPLE!!

But wait! There's more! If you call now, I'll throw in this cheap book light!

On Saturday, I'm riding to Grand Rapids with Craig for the staff reunion. We shall eat Yesterdog, and swim, and reunite, and hug, and talk about things that happened at camp, and text the people that aren't there (cough, ROOMIE, cough) about how much we wish they were there. THEN, we'll drive back to Dowagiac. The NEXT morning, Mom and I will meet Aunt Kendra and drive back to Piatt Lake, where we shall remain until Thursday.

Plans. I like them.
What?
What's that?
NO. Of COURSE I wasn't just bouncing up and down with excitement.

ps: I apologize for making a lot of this post sound like a post written by someone I really can't stand. Jocie knows. Ohhh, Jocie knows. (I almost died today.)
pps: Expect a post soon-ish, In which the author goes on a bit of a tangent about ministry. That's right. Because it doesn't really matter if you sleep in a hotel or on the ground, whether the Gospel is being preached. One does NOT make you more of a missionary than the other. ...Must... wait... to... discuss...

The Last Song

2010-08-18T22:01:00.001-04:00

Love is fragile. And we're not always its best caretakers. We just muddle through and do the best we can. And hope this fragile thing survives against all odds.

At least you have the courage to feel. You feel everything so deeply.

...

2010-07-28T17:34:00.000-04:00

This is the [insert superlative here] summer EVER.

shortest.
weirdest.
greatest.
saddest.
biggest.
etc.
-est.

Camp

2010-06-29T23:52:00.000-04:00

(Check out the Peru Blog for info about that)

I'm sitting in the living room at Hobson's cabin with Craig, watching Spain and Portugal play soccer and hating vuvuzelas. I can't believe HYC 2010 begins tomorrow. Insane. My mind is spinning. The sunset tonight almost made me cry. It's going to be an interesting transition. I like fourwheeler rides. The curve of secrets just about heard another one tonight. Dang. Hello perfection. My mind is spinning. Pray. I need to minister. GLORIA! Yay! Moving in tomorrow. Peru pictures on the wall, a flag on my bed. Worlds collide. I can't. He can. Which is good. Because I can't.

Peru 2010

2010-06-13T00:03:00.001-04:00

Leaving for Peru on Tuesday
The team blog is here

These Nights Keep Me Alive

2010-05-05T11:29:00.000-04:00

It's officially summer. I slept with my fan on and my window open. (And an extra blanket, since it's actually NOT officially summer yet.) We had another bonfire last night, the second of the season. It was wonderful. Aaron and Mr. Ridley and I were talking about shooting stars, then I looked up... and we all saw the most brilliant meteor I've ever seen. Thanks, God. Yup, You're awesome. I remember now.

We ate way too many Twizzlers, I snuggled with Judah for a bit, took some pictures. The stars were more brilliant than they had been yet this summer. I found the Little Dipper, and declared it officially summer.

Bry came around 10:30, so we laughed and conversed and whatnot... Just us three friends, sitting on a wooden swing, staring at fire. I couldn't believe it when I pulled out my phone and it was 12:03... three minutes past curfew. I drove home with my windows down, listening to some music... Oh, such a great night. I told Mom I was home and went to my room. There's something so relaxing about a bonfire; I fell asleep as soon as I closed my eyes. That hasn't happened in a long time. :)

On A Lighter Note

2010-05-04T00:14:00.000-04:00

On the happier side of things...
I'm done with school.
I took the SAT.
I'm going to Kalamazoo this weekend to babysit.
I've got my Hillsdale week scheduled.
I'm going to see The Classic Crime and Ivoryline on Wednesday.
Peru is only 42 days away.
Gorgeous weather.

A Brief, Childish, Girly Rant

2010-05-03T22:58:00.000-04:00

Prom. It's just a dance. It's not even that important. I've had people tell me that they wish they wouldn't have gone. Those who are older and wiser say that it doesn't matter. I'm homeschooled, so it's not really an option for me anyway unless I make a lot of extra effort. The Homeschool Prom was a maybe, if I tried hard enough.
I tried. Things didn't work out, my group fell apart. I really didn't care. (really.) Until now.

My best friend just sent me a picture of her dress, and several other friends have pictures on facebook of their dresses, their dates, their dance, their food, etc.

And I *am* a girl. I don't even dance. But I enjoy (on the rare occasion) getting dressed up, having someone do my hair and makeup, taking 1000s of pictures in one evening, being told I'm beautiful. I like posing with friends, making special mixes, and buying picture frames, and being sparkly. I am a girl after all.

I spend a lot of time trying to convince myself and others that I'm different, that I'm not into stuff like that, I'd rather study/just be friends/not dance/wear jeans. And normally, that's true. But apparently, I'd really like to go to a flipping prom. I'd really like to take way too many pictures, slow-dance to a cheesy song, wear an uncomfortable dress, and eat a meal that's not that great.

Tonight, at least, I wanna be normal.
Dang it.

Blue eyes, you're the reason for my change.

2010-04-28T23:29:00.001-04:00

This past weekend was so, so, so good. I'm not going to try to recap all of it, because I would fail. However, I will share some pictures *in absolutely no order*... because I'm addicted to Piatt Lake.

Almost summer :)

Our version of the polar bear plunge.

Home.

Sunset+Lifeguard stand+Craig+Deep Conversation=Amazing

Higher than best.

Ohheybestfriend

Devotions on the lifeguard stand.

DOF.

Love.

These people have my back.

Days Like that Should Last, and Last, and Last

2010-04-27T10:41:00.000-04:00

Such a great weekend. I'm so thankful for my friends.
So much laughter, so many great conversations, and SO many pictures.
More to come.

For now, I'm just... thankful.

So sorry you don't define me, sorry you don't own me

2010-04-21T09:32:00.000-04:00

I decided something this morning.
It's probably something I should have decided a long time ago.
It's not really that revolutionary.
I decided that other people are no longer allowed to manipulate my emotions.
Especially if it's not my fault.
If I ask you something, and you make the answer awkward...
Why should I be up all night worrying about it?
If I am rejected by the world...
Why should that bother me?
I should count it as a blessing when I am persecuted.
I'm not a BarlowGirl fan, but these lyrics from the song "Mirror" were stuck in my head when I woke up.

"So sorry you won't define me
Sorry you don't own me
Who are you to tell me
That I'm less than what I should be?
Who are you? Who are you?
I don't need to listen
To the list of things I should do
I won't try, I won't try"

YOU DO NOT OWN ME.
Some people, might just be jerks.
That is NOT going to effect my daily life and definitely not my walk with Christ.
I'm done with the jerks. They're not going to define me anymore.
They don't own me.
I'm not theirs.
I'm my Daddy's. And He's got my back.

The memories they flood back, from all of our years...

2010-04-20T13:42:00.001-04:00

They say history repeats itself.

They're wrong.

They make glib statements like "We'll keep in touch" and "We'll do it again next year."

It's not true.

They say things will never change

"The best laid plans of mice and men...."

Sometimes, they even start to make plans to do it again.

Of course, the plans fail.

They talk about reunions

But they never happen.

Christmas promises

Turn into January tears.

History does not repeat itself.

Memories cannot be recreated.

Things DO change

They're wrong.

And I hate it.

Things I have to finish in the next two weeks.

2010-04-17T18:15:00.000-04:00

Poetry assignments
Lit take home exam
Lit final
Spanish test
Spanish verbal final
Spanish oral final
The Great Piatt Excursion (!!!)
Algebra test
Algebra tutor
Algebra final
Photography final
SAT
Kelly's prayer cards.
Holmberg photo shoot

Ughhhhhhhhhh.

Let's Pack Up and Move (from) California

2010-04-17T00:59:00.002-04:00

I would just like to say...
I would really like it if Jenney would move to Michigan.
It would be really cool if these sleepovers and girl talks could be in real life, if she could share the delicious food she's always talking about, and if we could be watching the same movies so that we would actually understand half of our conversations.

At least come visit me?
I'll take you to Frankenmuth for Bronner's and copious amounts of chicken.
We'll go on photography excursions.
There will be LOTS of chick flicks and popcorn.
There's a fairly good chance of some giggling...
And most definitely we will talk for very long amounts of time.
We'll visit Piatt Lake... AND Hillsdale.
You can meet my people :)

You came to Michigan once. We sat awkwardly in a hotel room and played cards.
If you came back, that would not be the case.
Whattaya say?

ps: If you happened to bring a "vampire" or any cool kids with you... that would just be a bonus...

2010-04-14T20:56:00.000-04:00

I read this on Andrew Schwab's blog, I. need. TRUTH, today. I really like it.

"Think back to the first time you heard your favorite band.
Remember where you were. Think back to the smells, the colors of your surroundings. Recall the feelings it conjured up, the chills on the back of your neck, running all the way down your spine. Revisit how the melody, the guitar lines, the beats infiltrated your entire being. And finally, recapture what the words meant to you, how they completed and colored the emotional picture the music traced in your heart.
The sound, the words came together to connect with you. It was first love.
And soon after this first listen, this music became a soundtrack to vivid memories. You sang along in your room, in your car, in the shower, wailing with all your voice into the universe. Those songs acompanied you to school dances, sporting events, the beginning (and sometimes the ending) of relationships, weekend parties with friends.
It was passionate, this love you had discovered. And it was from the depths of you that this music spoke in, for, and through you. It changed you. It shaped you. It was a part of you. And it touched places inside of you that were deeper than you knew existed.
Listening to music is, was, and forever shall be..spiritual. It is more than just sound. It is a part of your soul.
And it is for me, too.
When I recall the first time I heard my favorite bands, I have specific emotions attached to specific memories as well, and they take me to a warm place that always brings a smile to my face.
I frequently tell people that loving music isn’t something I do, it’s something that I am.
But I know I am not the only one who would describe my relationship with sound this way…
All of us have this mythical connection to it.
Have you ever met someone who doesn’t love music? Probably not. It is a universal language. It transcends cultural differences, language barriers, and stereotypes. It is perhaps the most powerful medium that exists. It goes beyond the physical realm into the metaphysical. It has the power to transform nations and pierce the most hardened of hearts. At its best, it can heal, inspire, and conjure up the miraculous.
But have you ever wondered why music is such a powerful, universal medium? Have you ever wondered why we love it so much, why we are so drawn to both listening to it and creating it?
It is because we were made to hear, sing, and make music.
God created us for worship.
Just think about this the next time you are bobbing your head to your favorite song in your car, your room, or your kitchen. Think about this the next time you are listening to your iPod while you vacuum or run at the gym. Think about that the next time you just have to sing along to that amazing song you hear on the radio. And think about it the next time you are fooling around with Garageband or playing your chosen instrument or performing with your band.
You were created to make music. We all were.
And every time a note comes out of your mouth, out of your soul, you are displaying evidence that God made you. Every time you appreciate a song you hear, you are displaying the thumbprint of a creator. And this creator enjoys music, too. So much so, that he wants to hear it coming from us forever. He is the inventor of music itself.
And therefore, music itself is a gift to be celebrated.
I reflect on this because I so easily forget the reason why I do what I do. I so easily fall into the trappings of an industry (and a culture) that has reduced songs to mere products to be bought and sold. I so often forget that the value of this gift that has been placed in each of us.
When I was teenager, it was music that brought me through my most dark, lonely, and angry times. As a college student, it was being a music fan first that gave me the inspiration to make my own. And as an artist, it is listening to music that pushes to me to continue creating. And it is music, as an adult, that gives my life purpose while putting food on my table.
And while some would like to make us think that music is simply an ornament for our entertainment, our hearts tell us otherwise. We listen, sing, and create because it is a link between ourselves and the almighty.
I make and love music because it is in my soul to do so. And so do you.
It is a pointer to heaven, an evidence that we were created to worship forever.
Now go, make sounds that echo into eternity…
My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul. Psalm 108:1"

-Andrew Schwab

In Honor of Rocky...

2010-04-14T00:00:00.000-04:00

...My very negative friend who apparently reads this blog regularly,

I hereby will strive to stop:

being boring: "Today I woke up. I got out of bed. I existed. I breathed. The end."
being vague: "So sick of all this crap/I hope you know how you hurt me.Just want this to end."
posting SO MANY lyrics (I can't stop entirely!)

I suddenly really want to drive back from the Soo all hyped up on Bawls while listening to the Screamo Saturday mix and talking about random crap.
I shall soon. Just with different people.

Solo Road Trip

2010-04-12T20:46:00.000-04:00

Thursday:
Lunch with my family, late getting home, late start for Spring Arbor.
Talked to Kelly for a while, talked to Reuben for a while, drove in the rain.
Called Kimmee, warned her of my lateness.
Ended up not being late.
Early check-in.
Hugs. Panic. Relief- no "C**y R****r" was signed up for the visit.
Dinner. Springolian, and epic Rice Krispees.
Eric. Open hours. Shoes. Insane laughter. Girl with ADD off her meds.
Real check in. Insanity. "The other David"
Spider. Apples to Apples. Steak and Shake. Chicken fingers. Curfew.
Community bathrooms. Lofted bunk. Ladder. Sleep.

Friday:
Alarm. Snow on the library. No breakfast. 170 juniors in one room.
Chapel. WORSHIP. Intensity. Jesus.
Spanish class. Feeling advanced. Lunch with Kimmee.
"You didn't see that." Library.
Professor meeting. Pointless. Admissions counselor. Closing.
Survey. Free tee-shirt. Hot car.
JCC. Jocie. Mary Kay. "Hi, my name's Alyssa." "Oh, hi Melissa."
Awkward meetings. Saying no. Locked doors. Hilarity.
Downtown Jackson. KFC. Getting lost. $1 CDs and sweatbands.
Attempted hair dye. fail. Junk food. Not going to sleep.

Saturday:
Hash browns. Flat iron. Dress. Park fail.
Hillsdale. Debate. Jocie hyperventilating.
Arboretum. Dramatic Duos. Hugs.
Cole Rd. Home. Hugs. Dinner. Marker run.
Madison. Pictures. Spanish poster. "Pop some corn."
Seinfeld. Sleep.

Sunday:
Lady. Papa. Alarm. No breakfast.
Sunday school. Pon. Uncle Steve.
Spanish with Mary. Church. Bored.
Making dinner. Ham. Potatoes. Too much pepper in the gravy.
Lazy afternoon. Babysitting. Dawn's. Internet. Alone.
Crossroads. Surprises. Hugs. Worship.
From the inside out, Lord my soul cries out.
Dinner. New and old friends. Laughing like a 12-year-old.
Stuttering and mocking. Pure joy. Maggie. Molly.
Home. "We'll leave the light on." Sleep.

Monday:
Alarm. Lady. Tears. Pack. Dressed.
Breakfast. Loading car. Devotions.
Goodbyes. Hugs. Tears. Driving.
Music. Quincy. Gas station. Tears.
I-69. Call Mom. Drive. Tears.
Too much water. Perry. Bathroom. Taco Bell.
Finally! Exit 138. Mott. Computer lab.
Class. Struggling to stay awake. Half-hearted notes.
Spanish. Get me out of here. Finally. Car.
Home. Dinner. Tired.
Goodnight.

My, Oh My, What A Beautiful Day Outside

2010-04-07T23:24:00.000-04:00

The Classic Crime's new album is amazing.
I've played it 5 times through, and it arrived yesterday.
So, so good.
Didn't have to work today, and Sarah ended up not being able to meet for lunch, so I slept in until around 10. I like sleeping in. Lit class was boring; I almost fell asleep. It was total lecture and no discussion, so the only person talking was the professor. Not enjoyable.
We had Spanish in the Foreign Language lab... much more comfortable and laid-back than our normal classroom. That's where my class will be for fall semester, which I'm pretty excited about. I also get a new teacher, which I'm also happy about.
After Spanish I talked to Senora Nuzum about getting a tutoring job for fall semester. She told me to talk to Senora Bueno-O'Donnell, so we'll see how that turns out. It would be an amazing job.
Got home in time for dinner and one of the most random phone conversations I've had in a while (constipation, missions, traffic...), then it was off to youth group, where my mind wandered pretty much everywhere EXCEPT to the place where Mr. Ridley was. Whoops.
I have Algebra tomorrow, and then my epic weekend can begin. I am SO ready for this.

Only 3 more weeks of school.

Today

2010-04-06T20:44:00.001-04:00

Hit snooze 4 times
Drag my carcass out of bed
Clothes
Ponytail
Brush teeth
Contacts
Mascara
Stumble upstairs
Delete blog post from last night due to dream I had involving it
Ponder said dream
Realize that said dream was REALLY bizaare.
Eat some mac and cheese (yes, for breakfast)
Find flip flops
Run to car in rain
Drive to school
Listen to new cd from The Classic Crime
Algebra
Receive texts from Emilyy and Levi.
Drive home in torrential downpour.
Eat lunch
Enter names for two hours
Vacuum basement
Begin reading Midsummer Night's Dream
Pause for dinner
Order 35mm lens for camera!!!!!
Keep reading
Keep reading
Half-heartedly answer journal questions
Decide to do Spanish in the morning
Stumble into bathroom
See spots from staring at computer screen for 6 hours of MND
Find "Audrey, Wait!"
Write this
Stumble to recliner with popcorn and book
Turn on American Idol
Read/watch/eat
Hot bath
SLEEEEEEEEEP

This has been a looooong day.

2010-04-05T23:29:00.000-04:00

"If you really want to know something about me, you should know this. I like my music loud. I mean loud. I'm not talking the kind of loud where your parents knock on your bedroom door and ask you to turn it down. Please. That's amateur hour. When I say loud, I mean you-can't-hear-your-parents-knocking-and-the-neighbors-are-putting-a-FOR-SALE-sign-on-their-house-and-moving-to-another-block-because-they-can't-handle-the-constant-noise-anymore loud. You have to turn it up so that your chest shakes and the drums get in between your ribs like a heartbeat and the bass goes up your spine and frizzles your brain and all you can do is dance or spin in a circle or just scream along because you know that however this music makes you feel, it's exactly right."

-Audrey, Wait! by Robin Benway

The Little Things

2010-04-04T23:20:00.002-04:00

It doesn't take much to make me happy, that's just the kind of girl I am. So many little things make my day, so I decided to start a list of them here. I'll probably add to it as I go, then ask Jenney to add a link to my page. She's savvy when it comes to that stuff. Ha! Jenney! Remember when you used to say "savvy" all the time? Ahem. Anyway. Here goes.

Little Things that Bring me Great Joy
Praise and worship
Sunshine
Rain
Driving with my windows down and my music up
Surprise phone calls
Funny texts
Staying up late talking with friends
Laughing until my sides hurt
Speaking Spanish
Watching retarded movies with my friends
Driving with Rocky
Passion fruit
Pandora
Weekends in Hillsdale
When Ian Joseph says "Aah-aah"
Successful Jared talks
Counselor talks with Dawn
Long phone calls
Taking cool pictures
When Ian nestles his head down on my shoulder. (my cousin, not my big brother)
Seeing people again
Long hugs
Clean sheets
Flip-flops
Getting mail
Hugs and backrubs from my "big brother"
Impromptu photo shoots
Large aperture/depth of field/manual focus
"Sleepovers" with Jenney.
Seinfeld
Catching a whiff of something that smells like a memory.
New CDs
Checking the tracking on an order
Signing my paychecks
Songs that describe my current situation perfectly

...more to come

If My Heart Was a House, You'd Be Home

2010-04-01T21:18:00.000-04:00

Today was like summer.
Bike ride.
Grilled steak.
Fresh salad.
Door open.
Windows down.
Music up.
Grimy feet.
The smell of outside.
81 degrees on the way to get groceries.
Shorts and flip-flops.
:)

Hope, Dangles on a String, Like Slow Spinning Redemption

2010-04-01T00:51:00.000-04:00

My hair smells like smoke from the first bonfire of the season. I have a stomachache from eating too many "Outdated but Still Good" Sandwich Creme Cookies. I had forgotten how hilarious Aaron could be. B** ******s can do whatever he wants. I drove home from school with my windows down and Dashboard Confessional CRANKED up. I sang the WHOLE way home, even when I got stopped at a train and the people beside me also had their windows down. Good talks with Molly, good discussion at youth group. It's one of those times when I can't use paragraphs. Easter is going to mean so much more this year. "It's like... How can I not be head over heels in love with my Savior?" Jenney's home. I got an A on my Lit exam. I missed debate for the third or fourth time this year just now, when I looked at Buzz and saw my name. I'm going to the Hillsdale tournament. I need to work on those prayer cards for Kelly tomorrow. And the Easter bulletin. I get to see my small cousins on Friday. I need to do my photography assignment. I'm really tired. Today was a good day.

I am Flawed, But I am Cleaning Up So Well.

2010-03-29T20:56:00.000-04:00

I'm not going to post the Project86 review. It's been too long, it's not fresh in my mind anymore. Sorry. So much has happened in the last week or so, and I'm pretty sure that particular show has been pushed too far back in my mind to pull back out. Sorry, if anyone that reads this blog cared about that.

My current thought process looks a lot like this: alinva;clih oajv ;oa93h ;i cvn ;ao9h ;alivnalci; 3o1 'jadl ka!!!, but I'm going to attempt to pull together a (somewhat) coherent post.

Last Friday, I met my brand new baby cousin, Avery Grace.

She's gorgeous, as I'm sure you see.

Saturday was my grandpa Baker's 87th birthday party. He got a new lawn mower, my brother shot a raccoon with a 22, Madison & Raegan & I did a photoshoot, I had a counselor talk with Dawn in the midst of 30 people, Aunt Carol's hair was a different color and style every time I turned around, and Lady was beyond thrilled to see me and only me. In other words, it was perfectly normal :)

Papa on his birthday gift to himself :)

My favorite dog in the world :) (Also, this pic is SOOC. Oohhh yeah.)

My gorgeous cousin Madison...one of my absolute favorite pics from our mini-shoot

Bo shot a coon. With Papa's 22.

My favorite picture of Rae from our shoot :)

Sunday night we went to the Pistons game. Jim and Cynthia came with us, so I practiced my Spanish with Cynthia and their daughter Sophia. Dad had 10 tickets from the people at FSN-D for the suite, so we had lots of food and drinks and such- at no cost to us. Pretty amazing, even though the Pistons lost.

Today I took a Lit exam (it'll be interesting to see how that turns out) and got my Spanish exam back. 91.5% on the Spanish exam, not bad. I get my Algebra test back tomorrow. I'm pretty confident in it. I did the whole thing twice and caught a bunch of mistakes the second time around.

After Algebra tomorrow, I'll run to the bank, then Emilyy and I will go to TSC to celebrate her birthday a day late. It's supposed to get up to 80 this week!

It amazes me that my week sounds like it was so full, yet I didn't even touch upon not sleeping, big news, conspiracy theories, board meetings, shock, confusion, hope, renewed friendships, or my new favorite band. Yikes.

GUESS WHAT?!

Are you guessing?

Keep guessing....

JENNEY IS COMING HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Know, I Know.

2010-03-23T12:29:00.000-04:00

I know that I still need to post the Project86 part of this review...
But I just wanted to share the terrible news I just discovered.
It seems LION has lost the use of their building, and are canceling all shows until further notice. (aka, until they can find a building.
Blarg.
Also I want Jenney to come home from England now please.

Picket Fence Cartel Tour: Recap & Review part 2 of 3

2010-03-16T20:06:00.001-04:00

Part Two consists of Wavorly & Flatfoot56's performances.

Wavorly was the second band to play. They put on a fairly good show, but for the most part, we were standing and watching. Their biggest hit, "Praise and Adore," is not really a "concerty" song, so they didn't play it. They also didn't play my favorite song of theirs, "A Summer's Song." Since they only have one album, this left them with very few choices. They played 3 or 4 songs from their upcoming album, and probably the same amount that most of the crowd knew. The girl standing in front of us was hardcore OBSESSED with Wavorly... they recognized her as "the chick that tweets us all the time." It was a pretty good set, I probably would have enjoyed it more if I knew their music, but that's my fault. I'd give it a 3.5 out of 5.

Flatfoot 56 was the next band to perform. We knew there were some hardcore fans in the crowd, because we had seen several large (muscular, not fat) men in kilts throughout the evening. Flatfoot came on stage (their lead singer is INCREDIBLY tall, but I'm sure this is common knowledge to everyone but me) and the crowd went CRAZY. At this point, Bry and I were in the front row, center stage- pretty much the best spot in the place. When Flatfoot56 kicked into "Loaded Gun," however, the crowd went even more wild... and began to MOSH.

Now, I was pulled SLIGHTLY into the pit at the Underoath show- but it was nothing like this. Those were mostly small emo boys; these were HUGE bikers in kilts... they could have killed me if I wanted to. For about the first two minutes, I thought it was kinda fun, I pushed some people back, thought "Hey, I could get into this." Then it started getting a little more violent, I fell into the girl in front of me, knocked her, down, picked her back up, and promptly knocked her back down again. I then looked at Bry, who looked like she might die, and pointed toward the back of the room. The large men in kilts were all too happy to let us go further back (they got our spots).

From the back of the room, F56 put on an INCREDIBLE show. I did feel slightly more retarded jumping and fist pumping when I actually had room to breathe, but when a LIGHT fell onto a man's HEAD and he started BLEEDING, we knew we had made the right choice. Loaded Gun was a highlight, as was "The Rotten Hand" (my favorite Flatfoot song), and "Amazing Grace." (Who knew you could mosh to Amazing Grace?)

One of the more amusing parts of Flatfoot56's show was their "battle scene." As Bry and I cowered along the back wall, they directed everyone to line up on opposite sides of the room. As the very tall man counted to eight, each person was to pick an opponent. When Tall Man reached "eight," the band started playing and everyone ran and took down their "opponent." It was hilarious to watch.

Part 3 tomorrow: Project86

Picket Fence Cartel Tour: Recap & Review part 1 of 3

2010-03-15T23:14:00.000-04:00

On Sunday, March 14, Bry and I headed out to LION in Flushing for the Picket Fence Cartel Tour. All we knew was that the doors opened at 6, and tickets were $12 at the door. After driving past the venue and making a very SHARP turn into the parking lot, we walked through the club's (???) big red front door. Here is a look into what we saw:

The Venue: LION is a brand-new venue (club?) in Flushing. It's a fairly small space, with a stage at one end of the room, merch to the side, and a ticket table JUST inside the door. We were skeptical at first, but soon fell in love with the intimacy of this venue. It couldn't hold more than 100 people comfortably, and there were probably only 50-70 there last night. We were front and center (literally, I was resting my foot on the stage) for the first two bands, but ended up moved around a bit after the moshing began.

Definition Plexus: This local band shocked me- in a good way. We said hi to the guys before the show, and found out that they lived about 10 minutes down the road. I'm not sure if you're aware of this, dear reader, but Flushing, Michigan, isn't exactly known for its happenin' music scene. I figured a few high school kids would get up on stage and try to scream for 15 minutes while the crowd mostly ignored them.

I was wrong. Terribly wrong. DefPlex had a sound similar to The Almost. The lead singer knew how to scream without sounding like a complete idiot, but he could also sing. Their songs mixed strong vocals with incredibly crisp music, and I could understand almost every word, even though I had never heard their music before. Definitely a local band that I'll keep my eye on.

I'll post Part 2 tomorrow: Wavorly & Flatfoot56.
Part 3 should be up on Wednesday: Project 86
Aaaand... hopefully some pictures and video by Thursday.

THROW YOUR FISH INTO THE AIR!!!

2010-03-14T23:48:00.000-04:00

My legs are sore.
My lower back aches.
I think I may have pinched a nerve.
My hair is piled on top of my head in the messiest, sweatiest ponytail ever.
My mascara left trails down my cheeks,
My eyeliner is smudged all over my face.
I can't dance, but I didn't care at all.
My throat is hoarse.
I'm fairly certain that I lost at least part of my hearing.
Andrew Schwabb screamed in my face and sweated on me.
Normally, that would bother me.
I was elated.
I just chugged a huge glass of water.
I'm chowing down on Taco Bell like a war refugee.
I have a new favorite local band.
L.I.O.N. will be seeing a LOT more of Bry and I.
One word to describe it all:
EPIC

I'll post a full update/review soon, probably after Bry gives me the pictures.
In the meantime, check out Definition Plexus

Playing Around :)

2010-03-14T15:45:00.000-04:00

This picture was edited using Adobe Photoshop Lightroom, my newest toy :)

I opened the image, converted it to black and white, corrected the black and white, and converted the image back to color.

Voila!

Copy and Paste, Incorporated

2010-03-14T15:31:00.003-04:00

Lady G was here. Right here, on this VERY SPOT. BOOM.

(With permission, quit freaking out.)

If you ever need a Google Analytics code pasted into your HTML, let me know. ;D

Sneakily yours,

-Lady G

p.s. Quin for President.

I Went for a Walk

2010-03-05T22:12:00.003-05:00

It was bright and sunny today. Emilyy and I drove home from photography class with the windows down and Taking Back Sunday cranked up. It was beautiful.

After lunch I went for a walk in the beautiful weather, with my camera. Here are the results.

My road

Blue skies, nothing but blue skies

I like playing with my aperture

I live in the country.

The door handles at the old church.

Band of the Week

2010-03-05T21:23:00.002-05:00

Underoath. For sure.
My absolute favorite band, Underoath combines screamo with Aaron Gillespie's clean, beautiful face. Whoops, I'm sorry. I meant to say vocals. My bad. I've had the extreme privilege of seeing them live (but only once), and it was the most brutal, incredible, out of this world show of my entire life. Now for the technical stuff. When Underoath formed in 1998, Dallas Taylor was the lead "vocalist." Their music (as seen on "Act of Depression," "Cries of the Past," and "The Changing of Times) was basically just people screaming their lungs out over top of some random blips and bleeps and electronica. Taylor left the band in 2003, and was replaced by Spencer Chamberlain. Somewhere in there, they began mixing Aaron's vocals in with the screaming, creating a cleaner, more enjoyable sound. (My opinion.)

Their lyrics have been the subject of many of my vague blog titles and facebook status updates. "It's all in the way, I say what I don't mean, and mean what I don't." (The Created Void/Lost in the Sound of Separation) "I never told you/but it's all in your goodbyes." (A Boy Brushed Red, Living in Black and White) "Hey unfaithful I will teach you/To be stronger, to be stronger/Hey ungraceful I will teach you/To forgive one another." (Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape.)

Band Members:
Spencer Chamberlain: Lead vocals, long hair that gets really sweaty and flings all over at shows
Aaron Gillespie: Drums, vocals, gorgeous face. (Whoops. How did that get in there again?) Also the only member of the ORIGINAL Underoath that is still in the band.
Chris Dudley: The sweet guy that plays the keyboard and synth and headbangs
Grand Brandell: Bass. Which is a very important instrument
Tim McTague: Lead Guitar. And AMAZING NAME. And cool beard
James Smith: Rhythm Guitar. And also apparently rather good looking.Note: If you live in southern California, and your name rhymes with "Zennette Haynard," you will probably NOT enjoy this band.

Not so much on the "break" part...

2010-03-04T22:47:00.003-05:00

Spring break officially starts at noon tomorrow. Between noon tomorrow, and one o'clock on Monday, March 15, these are the things that I will have accomplished:
Packing. Church. Crossroads. An evening with my favorite people on earth. Breakfast with Madison, followed by breakfast with Molly (and Maggie?). I'll probably only eat one of those. Unless there's bacon. Time with Grandma and Grandpa Baker. A night at Indiana Wesleyan University including: an admissions meeting, a meal, a class with Andrew, staying with Melissa, and a tour. An overnight at Taylor University, including: staying with Ashleigh, a tour, chapel, and an Admissions meeting. A visit to Huntington for a tour and a meeting with Admissions. Dinner with Aunt Evelyn. Two nights with my Aunt Kendra, Uncle John, and Ian. A visit to Calvin for chapel, a tour, and lunch. A visit to Kuyper for a tour and an Admissions Meeting. A visit to Cornerstone for a tour and an Admissions meeting. A meeting with our Peru team. Church at either Sister Lakes or Third. A Project 86 concert.

Here are the ADDITIONAL things that I need to accomplish: Lit homework. Study my Spanish book for a very long time. Learn how to do Algebra yet again. Stop doing so poorly in my classes. Possibly make some form of decision regarding college. SLEEP.

Yeah. Not so much on the break part of things.

Anyway, I'm (hopefully) going to blog about each school I visit, with pictures. Hopefully. My homework should possibly come first, I think.

I hope Cory calls. That would just make my break SO MUCH more interesting. (Cory. If you somehow stalk me and found my blog and read it every day hoping for some mention of your name, that was sarcasm. Really. I can do without 6 calls in ten minutes while I'm trying to plan out my life. Sorry kid.)

I Could Be In Love, If, You Wore that Dress Everyday

2010-03-04T00:27:00.004-05:00

Went to NTBI (New Tribes Bible Institute) in Jackson tonight with the youth group. I always like roadtrips, but tonight's was pretty epic. Heart-stirring speaker, music, statistics, an amazing video, and some deep conversations.

I had a chance to talk to a couple of the students for a while. I was looking at the list of all the unreached tribes, and they came up and started talking to us. Pretty cool. I would definitely like to go there after college, I think.

Aaron and I were talking on the way home, about how much it bothers us when people say they "just don't feel called to missions." Everyone is, in the Great Commission. Sure, you might not go to the remote jungles of Indonesia, but you're still called to be a missionary where you are. Just some food for thought.

It's a part of me, though. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that I am called to full-time foreign ministry. I can FEEL it, whenever someone talks about missions. When a speaker asks who will go, I want to jump up and scream "ME ME ME!!!" The more I fall in love with Jesus, it gets easier to spread the Gospel here, but my intense desire to go "into all the world" only deepens.

Tonight made it even stronger. I just want to scream. I know my grammar is no good right now, and I don't even care. The world needs to know the love of my Savior.

Some hard conversations when I got home, but J's always there to make it better :)Not sure if it showed up well or not... but it was epic.

From Time to Time

2010-02-27T12:26:00.002-05:00

Please note. This is all Jenney's fault. Her Oregon post made me nostalgic.

Bleak. Cold. Blank.

The snowy landscape

Matches my emotion

From time to time

I miss it so much

That I'm in physical pain

I lie awake

Staring, staring

Endlessly

Wishing to go back

Back to those endless drives

Those stupid arguments

Back to M-46 and M-99

Haunted arboretums and

Great deals on photos

Back to the movie theater

Sitting in my car, talking

The windows fogging up

Back to doing insane amounts of school work

Making dinner and cleaning up

Just because I wanted to

Back to having friends

And a life

I want to go back

Back to the student center

To poke fights and real worship

To sitting at Subway for all hours

Sharing a 2-liter of Mountain Dew

Back to counselor talks

Drinking tea and walking down railroad tracks

Back to spending hours in Blockbuster

Fighting over the evening's selection

Waiting for you to put your shoes on

Driving out of my way on purpose

I want to go back

Back to learning to drive in the snow

To pizza dates and movie nights

To laughing hysterically

Being who I really am

Back to gangsta impressions

Followed by deep discussions

Sheer honesty

I want to go back

But we can never go back

So I stare

Endlessly

Bleak, cold, blank

The snowy landscape

Matches my emotion

From time to time

Band of the Week (pt. 2)

2010-02-25T23:15:00.003-05:00

If you were wondering why Taking Back Sunday stopped being good after Tell All Your Friends, the answer is my second pick for Band of the Week. Guitarist Josh Nolan left the band after this album, and with his sister Michelle, former TBS bassist Shaun Cooper, and drummer Will Noon, formed Straylight Run.
Their sound is like a mellower Taking Back Sunday, with female vocals. Melodically similar to Death Cab for Cutie, but still original. As always, I was drawn to the band first by their music, and then compelled to take a closer look when I examined their lyrics.

"Sing me something soft/Sad and delicate/Or loud and out of key/Sing me anything" (Existentialism On Prom Night), "Holding on to the phone/Holding on to this glass/Holding on to the memory of what didn't last/Waiting for better days/They'll never come/So dry your eyes/It's better/Now it's done." (Now It's Done), "A laundry list of problems/Doesn't make you interesting/And never getting help doesn't make you brave/Not listening to reason doesn't mean that you have faith/You're just cutting off your nose to spite your face" (Sympathy for the Martyr)

Straylight Run creates a sound that I can crank up in the car and fall asleep to at night, and mingles it with lyrics that are relatable and open without being annoyingly emo.

Now comes the sad part. I discovered this band on accident, when looking for a Taking Back Sunday CD at a little record store in Daytona Beach (Atlantic Sounds Records) on February 18. I googled them a couple days later, and found this posted on their Tumblr page:

"Dear friends and fans of Straylight Run,

We are very sad to announce to you that we will be going on an indefinite hiatus. We call it a hiatus and not a break up because the band still enjoys working together and is open to the idea of doing so in the future. If it was up to us we would continue making music throughout this year and the years to come, but the unfortunate reality is that being in a band is a business and when business isn’t good you can only keep going for so long.
We are still making plans to release the live album that we recorded at the end of our last tour. As of now there is no release date though, so stay tuned for more information on that.
We would like to thank everyone one of you who ever came to a show, bought one of our records, took us on tour or supported us in any way at all over the nearly seven years that we’ve been a band. We’d also like to thank everyone that has worked for us, especially Dave Stein, Andrew Buck, Dayna Ghiraldi, Shannon Kimball and everyone at Padell. We have had an amazing time and feel so incredibly grateful to you all for everything we’ve experienced throughout our years as a band. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
Love,
Straylight Run"

What can I say? I think I'm cursed. :(

Band of the Week (pt. 1)

2010-02-23T23:46:00.003-05:00

I meant to do this every week. Then I forgot. Now I remembered. There are going to be two this week :)

La Dispute: Rocky introduced me to La Dispute a while ago. I downloaded one of their albums and forgot about it. I discovered it on my iPod a week or two ago, and fell in love. Similar to mewithoutYou, this style of music isn't for everyone. It's best described as poetry recited somewhat melodically over music. At times it's angry, and at times the emotion is so raw that I wanted to cry.With lyrics like "You still cross my mind from time to time/And I mostly smile/Still so set on finding out where we went wrong and why/So I retrace our every step with an unsure pen/trying to figure out what my head thinks/but my head just ain't what it used to be," (Andria), "I think I saw you in my sleep, darling/I think I saw you in my dreams/You were stitching up the seams/Of every broken promise that your body could not keep/I think I saw you in my sleep," (Such Small Hands) and "And I remember when I knew that you'd be leaving/how I barely kept up breathing/and I bet if I had to do it all again, I'd feel the same pain/And I remember panicked circles in the terminal in tears/How I wept to God in fits/I've hated airports ever since,"(Andria, again) La Dispute combines pure lyrical honestly with tight instrumentals, and somehow makes it work.

Girl Put Your Records On

2010-02-23T23:25:00.002-05:00

During my trip to Florida, I fell back in love with music. I'm not really sure how it had come about that music and I had broken up, but we had. I had become selective and picky, listening almost exclusively to Death Cab for Cutie (during the day) and Sufjan Stevens (at night). I downloaded a couple of new albums, but found no reason to listen.

On the flight to Florida, however, that all changed. I had created a playlist of four or five albums I had had for a while but never listened to, but stuck in about 25-30 songs I know well. After buckling my seatbelt, using maneuvers that would make most yoga master jealous, I wrestled my iPod from the backpack that was shoved under the seat less than a foot in front of me. I stuck my headphones in my ears, cranked up the volume, and closed my eyes. The sounds that came out of my iPod were foreign. It was a band I had never listened to, and I was immediately intrigued. The song was a short one, and soon a song I knew came on. I listened to the familiar sounds while processing the first song. Then came another new band, and another, and more familiar songs. Fast, slow, loud, soft, happy, sad, angry, melodic, angry, lovesick, in love, heartbroken, healing, praising, wishing. It was beautiful. The perfect mix of new and familiar- a lot like my life at the moment.

I kept my earbuds in throughout both flights, and the car ride home. Dinner seemed oddly quiet, even with my cousin screaming gleefully, because I had no soundtrack. Each night as I went to sleep, my iPod was playing in my ears. I had a HUNGER for music. I visited an incredible little record store in Daytona Beach, and found MORE new music. The hunger didn't subside. It didn't matter the music, I just needed music in my ears. Every car ride, in between meals, laying out by the pool- all the time, the whole vacation.

I fell asleep and woke up to music. I cranked it up in the car. Algebra class was even more torturous than usual. It was like I had been thirsty in the desert, then I discovered a water source ten feet away from me. I had been wanting new music- then I discovered my iPod. :)

It's Official

2010-02-19T15:51:00.004-05:00

...I'm in love with the ocean.

I love...

2010-02-14T01:14:00.004-05:00

State fairs
Ian Joseph
Snuggling with babies (specifically the aforementioned Ian Joseph)
Italian food
Music
Trying to make Jenney stop breathing
Being a creeper
When Ian reaches his arms up because he wants ME to pick him up
When Ian is sleepy and burrows his head into my shoulder
Ian in general
Piling on the giant bed
Late night ice cream
Ghiradelli chocolate
When my waitress is from Peru
Baby calves
Being unable to breathe from a picture...
:]]

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow (Or: A Brief Break from Studying Like Mad)

2010-02-09T20:19:00.003-05:00

What I did yesterday: Slept in. Went back to classes for the first time after being sick for a week. Realized that being sick for a week was a bad idea. Found out that I have two exams on Wednesday (read: tomorrow.) Panicked. Came home. Dealt with panic by eating dinner and watching mindless television with Mom. (Notice the total lack of "studying"???)

What happened today: Slept in a little. Drove to school in blizzard conditions. Took a math exam that I didn't know existed. Got an 80. Not pleased. Drove home in blizzard-er conditions. Ate lunch. Talked to Kelly. Talked to Emilyy. Did PowWow's with Molly Marie. Ran out of time to do homework/study. Worked for three hours. Read half of "Bartleby, the Scrivener," by Melville. Cursed Melville in my head. Ate dinner. Read the other half of Bartleby. Stopped hating Melville because my brain was too confused to hate. Attempted to answer the journal questions. Realized that I still have two exams tomorrow. Thought about studying. Decided to write a blog post.

What I have to do tomorrow: Work for three hours. Eat lunch. Go to class (though I'm crossing my fingers for a snow day.) If there's not a snow day, burn down MCC. Evade police. Take 2 exams (still crossing fingers for cancellations.) Pack everything I need for 10 days in a rolling duffel and a backpack. Pick up my visitor's pass from Curve's. Contemplate the need for a Curve's membership if I never go. Decide to keep it, just to feel good about myself. Not die on the blizzard-y roads.

*sigh*
I guess I'll go study now. I hate studying. And this literature homework. And Melville. Oh wait. There's no room in my brain to hate Melville. I'm too confused by him.

Real Worship

2010-02-08T20:53:00.003-05:00

The room is lit by a single lamp. I can hear the strains of piano music slipping under the door. Peeking in the window, I see my best friend. I slip in the door quietly, not wanting to interrupt him. He stops playing anyway, and looks up.

"Can I listen to you play for a while?" I ask. "Everyone's going crazy in the other room and I just want to think about Jesus."

He nods silently and goes back to playing while I pull a chair up to the piano. As I sit down, he begins to sing.

how long have I/been in this storm/so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form/water's getting harder to tread/with these waves crashing over my head/if I could just see you/everything will be alright/if I'd see you/the storminess will turn to light/and I will walk on water/and you will catch me if I fall/and I will get lost into your eyes/and everything will be alright

The song ends, and I applaud jokingly, but I can tell that I've walked in on a very intimate moment, and frankly, I'm still fighting. I slip out of the room.

Back in the cafeteria, a couple of rowdy card games are going. Someone has stolen the box of Cheez-It Party Mix that I left on a table. My tea is cold. Everyone is laughing and talking loudly, the mood of the night's service almost completely forgotten. Something pulls me back into that room.

This time I slip in without saying anything, and the music doesn't stop. He's playing my favorite worship song, but it's not for me. He barely notices me as I sit down in the same chair.

We are His portion and He is our prize/Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes/If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking/And Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss/and my heart turns violently inside of my chest/I can't find time to maintain these regrets/when I think about the way/He loves us, oh how He loves us/Oh, how He loves us/Oh, how He loves...

I sit in my chair silently, listening to Jared play and sing. I can tell that He's singing only to Jesus, and that it wouldn't matter if I was in the room. Outside the window, people sprint past, having just participated in the polar bear plunge. Inside, though, the room is still. My heart is full. I close my eyes as the song starts over, this time with slightly different lyrics.

You love me, oh, how You love me/Oh, how You love me/Oh how You've shown me/How You love me/And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss/And my heart turns wildly inside my chest/And I can't find time to maintain my regrets/When I think about, when I think about, when I think about the way/You love me/Oh, how You love/Oh, I'm not worthy/I am not worthy/Oh, I'm not worthy/Oh, my Lord/What have you gotten yourself into?

This moment, this night... I know I'll remember it for a very long time. My best friend is not God, and he is not perfect. Watching him praise, I was reminded of this again. I also was reminded of the very real fact that none of us deserve our Savior. All we can do is come humbly before Him, thankful that He, for whatever reason, wants us.

Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I love ya, Tomorrow...

2010-02-04T15:23:00.002-05:00

Winter Retreat is tomorrow!
WINTER RETREAT is tomorrow!
Winter Retreat IS tomorrow!
Winter Retreat is TOMORROW!
WINTER RETREAT IS TOMORROW!!!!

*tries to breathe*

What? Who? Me? Excited? Pshh.

So here's the deal.

Tonight: shower the remaining illness off of myself. Go shopping for snacks/drinks/slippers for the weekend. PACK. Take some more cough syrup and crash early.

Tomorrow: Up early. Finish packing. Photography class. Lunch. Drive to Nana and Papa Baker's. Chill for an hour or so. Go to the farm. Hugs. Check in. Hugs. DEPARTURE!!!

Tomorrow night: RETREAT! Jesus, friends, music, games...

Saturday: Repeat Friday night, only better

Sunday: Service, lunch/brunch, recap video, lots of driving. Arrive back at the farm. Hugs. Goodbyes. Tears. Back to Nana and Papa's. Pick up annual bag of homemade popcorn. Hugs. Tears. Drive home.

This weekend is going to be so wonderful! I've literally been waiting three months for this... retreat is always where things turn around for me, start to look up. And heaven knows, I'm ready for that.
TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!

I go now. I must wash the remaining sick from my body. :)

2010-02-03T23:28:00.001-05:00

"Oh, we haven't talked in like two weeks."
"Are you mad at him?"
"No."
"Is he mad at you?"
"No."
"Then what's going on?"
"I have no idea."
Two days...

Yikes

2010-02-01T16:29:00.002-05:00

I wasn't feeling well, so I decided to lay down during the 40 minutes I had between work and school.
Mom came in to wake me up 10 minutes before I should have left, and I convinced her to let me miss class today. (I really wasn't feeling well.)
FOUR HOURS later, I woke up.
I haven't taken a nap that long since I was 6.
And now I think I'm going to go back to sleep.
What on earth is wrong with me?!

THE 100th POST!!!

2010-01-31T21:52:00.003-05:00

This is my 100th post on this blog.
I should come up with something exciting.
But I'm really tired.
I was at Kaylie's all weekend for her birthday.
Friday: Moe's, Panera, When in Rome, failed cake
Saturday: Tea, iCarly, getting ready, sharing dresses, makeup, eyeliner, friends old and new, long van rides, Maggiano's, "YOU WANT MORE PEPPER?!", staying up late, awkward moments
Sunday: Up too early, church, campers, driving, wonderful nap

I like it when Jesus teaches me things. :)
I'm really thankful for my incredible friends.
I like meeting new people.
I'm not okay, but that's okay. He's got me in His hands.

Time to go to sleep :)

2010-01-27T23:22:00.003-05:00

My Algebra Class is Really Boring

2010-01-20T18:32:00.002-05:00

The Greatest Conversations I've Ever Had
(In no particular order)

1. Talking w/ Aunt Evelyn- Baker Family Christmas 2009
missions

2. The First Real Jared Talk I Ever Had- Hiawatha, Sweet Shop/Bleachers, 2008
loving others, being real, family

3. Counselor Talk with Kimmee Joy- Lazy River, Thunder Falls Water Park
absolutely everything ever.

4. First Conversation with Rocky- Bus to Winter Retreat, 2008
music, computers, politics, life

5. Conversation with Craig- Ruth Hidalgo's back porch, Pucallpa, Peru
school, friends, church, camp... note: this conversation has still not technically ended. It's just on hold.

6. Every Conversation I've Ever Had with Kaylie
enough said

7. Roof in Peru, parts 1-2
1. 2008. Mel, Kelly, Ben- haha game, hair stroking, goodbyes
2. 2009: Alysse- boys, missions, life in general
3. 2009: Alysse, Ben, Craig- playing Truth/the haha game, life, goodbyes

8. Rec Hall Talks with MelodieY Norris-Whitmore- Summer 2006

9. Counselor Talks with Dawn

10. The Night Before Emilyy Came to School with Me- My house, 2008
"We're Not Going Swimming Until Tomorrow"

11. The first ever Levi-Alyssa Talk- Hiawatha 2008
"Tell me your story"

12. The First Time I Called Jenney- umm. 2002???
Something about a hose, and a clubhouse, and something else- maybe a fence?

13. THE SOUP!!! Winter Retreat 2009
Without these carrots, this soup is naked on the streets of fresno

14. Driving Home from Andrea and Jerry's with Levi and Rocky- April? 2009
Music, driving out of the way to Levi's dad's house, "DON'T YELL AT HER!"

I'm sure there are so many more... but these are the ones that I thought of while my algebra teacher was droning on and on and on and on and I was "taking studious notes."
:)

Busy, busy, dreadfully busy.

2010-01-17T21:44:00.002-05:00

You've no idea what we have to do
We're busy, busy, dreadfully busy
Much, much, too busy for you!!!

haha. I love VeggieTales.

Anyway. Take a look at the weekends of my next few months:
Jan 22-24: Mission night with Jenna, Jared and Doug at church
Jan 29-31: Kaylie's birthday weekend, in GI for that all weekend
Feb 5-7: CRF WINTER RETREAT!!!!
Feb 11-22: Family vacation in Florida
March 26-28: THE GREAT PIATT EXCURSION!!!!

Woot woot.

Started planning for Peru 2010 today. I can't WAIT.

How Lucky You Are

2010-01-14T22:55:00.004-05:00

Disclaimer: 1. To the only person who ever reads my blog other than Jenney and Rocky:
no. This is not about you.
2: I wrote this at 2 am. It's probably not going to be grammatically perfect.

Oh little girl, with your bad teeth
And "retard glasses"
You don't know how lucky you are
Not a care in the world
Always searching for the spotlight
No idea how lucky you are
Your best friend is in your head
He's 18, so he can drive; he'd never hurt you
You don't understand how lucky you are
The only reason for tears is leaving your grandparents
Rejection and loneliness are nothing more than new words to sound out
Why can't you see how lucky you are?
Dear little girl, with your sweatpants
And your awkward hair cut
If only they would tell you how lucky you are
Pain is falling off of your bike
Sorrow is flushing your fish down the toilet
Soak in how lucky you are
You don't know the difference between doctrine and a doctor
But you want the waitress to know about Jesus
Oh sweet little girl, how lucky you are
You never doubt yourself, you always want to be first
No one has ever made you feel less than worthy
O, my dear, how lucky you are!
Your parents know everything- why wouldn't they?
Your tears are never hidden
Why can't you see how lucky you are?
Dear sweet little girl, oh awkward little girl
They should have told you what was coming
So you could appreciate how lucky you are
Those things you take for granted? They're going to crumble
Friendships, confidence, emotions, sleep
You'll try to remind yourself how lucky you are
You'll sit awake at 3am, tears streaming
Abandoned, lonely, confused, and deserted
Wishing you still felt how lucky you are
That imaginary friend has been replaced by real ones
Who rip your heart out and stomp it into the ground
Now look how lucky you are
Your parents know longer know everything about you
Sometimes your home feels more like a prison
You can't recall how lucky you are
You'll scream out to God for some vestige of hope
Something to cling to like a life raft
Anything to remind you how lucky you are
My dear little girl, soak it in
The awful glasses, geeky sweatpants, and awkward hair
Oh, how lucky you are
Your confidence, your obnoxious ways
You're so naive, so content to be yourself
You have no idea how lucky you are
Soak it in. Soon, you'll be crying in bed
Writing poems longing for that time when you didn't realize
How lucky you were

2010-01-14T16:31:00.003-05:00

So let me get this straight. You say now you loved me all along? What made you hesitate to tell me with words how you really feel? I can see it in your eyes... you mean all of what you say. And I remember so long ago, I felt the same way. But now, we both have separate lives and lovers... and significantly enough, we both have significant others. Only time will tell, time will turn and tell. We are who we were when, could have been more but at least you're still my day late friend.

Life goals, or "things to do before I die"

2010-01-11T23:19:00.004-05:00

Live in a foreign country for over a year.
Spread the Gospel to as many people as I possibly can.
Be truly unashamed.
Live freely.
Say something worthy of Jared Wittenbach's facebook quotes.
Adopt.
Sing Karaoke.

Actually complete the roadtrip Rocky and I talked about this summer.

...I'll add to this as I think of more. Or when I find the list I once wrote out.

Wow.

2010-01-10T16:12:00.000-05:00

"Nobody said you had to look at them."
Why are my friends so smart?

2009-12-30T20:01:00.004-05:00

Closure. It's a beautiful thing.

This is how it feels to be free...

2009-12-30T14:58:00.002-05:00

Honesty.
Truth.
Freedom.
The elephant has jumped off my chest.
Thank you.
Listening.
Still laughing.
Girls' night.
Movies.
500 Days of Summer.
Tears.
Death Cab for Cutie.
Knowing that there's still a "Doug."
Laughing more.
Nick and Norah.
Beauty.
The gaping hole is slowly closing.
Happiness.

Someday, you will be loved.

It's Like I'm Dreaming in Color

2009-12-28T21:18:00.004-05:00

Post Christmas Chaos:
Four Hours Later:
Yeah. I CLEANED my room.

I get it!

2009-12-28T21:08:00.003-05:00

I think I get it... Family Christmas isn't about this:It's about this:and this:I think this was the first Christmas that I really "got" it... Watching Ian open his presents was the highlight of the holiday. I loved everything I was given, but it was more fun to give this year. Looking on as my one-year-old cousin opened the pounding bench we gave him, and then stuck the hammer in his mouth like a pipe, was worth more than the clothes and games I received.
It's all because of the baby... not just the one in our family, but the One who is the reason for the holiday. Without Him, I wouldn't have a happy family. I wouldn't love Christmas, and we wouldn't have a reason to celebrate.

Someday, You Will Be Loved

2009-12-27T16:49:00.001-05:00

I once knew a boy
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth
In the morning I fled
Left a note and it read
Someday you will be loved.

I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
Someday you will be loved

Merry Christmas Eve Eve!!!!

2009-12-23T20:33:00.002-05:00

There's snow on this side of the state.

I helped my grandma frost cookies.

I ate some ramen noodles for the first time in six weeks. (Not really Christmas related, but they were yummy.)

I ended with a 4.0 in Spanish; my other grades haven't been posted yet.

I get to see my baby cousin tomorrow.

But he's not a baby anymore.

Tomorrow is Uncle John's Christmas Eve service, followed by appetizers at Nanny's.

Then it's CHRISTMAS!!!

There's no other Man who could raise the dead.

2009-12-22T19:11:00.000-05:00

Turning off my music and taking off my headphones is a bit like waking up from a really good dream.

Sidewalks scream our name...

2009-12-20T13:17:00.002-05:00

"Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. When each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me." If you can name the book that quote comes from... without google-ing it, I'll give you... my utmost admiration :)

I'm ALMOST done Christmas shopping. I just have to return the part of Kaylie's present that's the wrong size, and get a new one... which means I get to drive ALL THE WAY back out to Micheal's... where creativity happens.

Lots of music at church this morning... and CORBAN WAS BACK!!! He was there, in his dress blues, all military-looking. And he's getting MARRIED. That just absolutely blows my mind. Pastor Brad preached about defending the validity of the virgin birth... the small children sang songs, the choir sang, and Joe and his dad sang/played Oh Holy Night at the beginning of church. It was a nice service :) I feel a little more Christmas-y now.

This is what made me miss my exit...

2009-12-16T15:20:00.000-05:00

It was just a few years in the making now.
The two were locked in a heated dispute,
'Cause he was gone when she needed him more.
Then she could really ever let on to.

They were the poster perfect high school sweethearts,
But moving out can't erase the time.
The two had spent on working it out and
Everybody knew that they were out of their minds.

Oh, you know you really need to settle down,
Let it go.
You know you really need to settle down,
You really need to let it go.

Consider this, he was moving on while
She was busy trying to pass the time
Between the previous and next nervous breakdown.
The girl had given up the love of her life.
And all the time that she was givin' up slowly
he didn't notice when she ran away
and when it came to finally letting him on
well this is every single word she'd say...

Oh, you know you really need to settle down,
Let it go.
You know you really need to settle down,
No you really need to let it go.
For good, forget his lies -
It's the only way to save your life.
'Cause this is restitution
For the love you've thrown away.

I've got to put a stop to all this, to all this being separated and then cut off.

2009-12-13T21:23:00.007-05:00

Note: The "you"s in this particular post refer to SO MANY incredibly different people... that it's probably best if you don't analyze it too much. I just need to get this all out...
_____________________________________________________________

When I opened the fridge today, I saw the bottle. It's been in there since June, but today I had to move it to make more room. Guaraná. I was saving it... for our reunion. You know, the one I've been planning in my brain since the last one ended. We were going to break trees, and hide in the woods when cars went by, and look at thousands of pictures from everything that's happened since the last time. We were going to laugh and talk. You were going to pass massive amounts of gas and blame it on the cat. Plans change. You've changed. I've changed. You don't have time for that now. You've got other priorities. I am no longer on the list of people you have to care about. I don't even know it you'll read this. And apparently it's time for me to drink that Guaraná already... by myself.

_____________________________________________________________

I need you to need me as much as I need you. I can't bear the thought that someday I might wake up, and you'll just be gone. I can't handle it. At all. Everytime I think about it, my chest feels like there's an elephant sitting on it.. my head spins, and I can't breathe. Don't you dare go anywhere.
______________________________________________________________

It's not the same when you're not there. Who do I roll my eyes at when he says "lady gaGAH?" Who do I laugh with? Who do I talk to? Who do I sit by? Who do I pass notes to? No one. And they wonder why I'm in a bad mood, why I don't feel well. Deduce, Sherlock.
__________________________________________________________

It's not the actual getting married that I'm sad about. It's the fact that I'm losing another close friend... I can't keep being friends with you once you're married to her. Sure, she's great, and I'm glad you're in love... but girls and guys can't continue to be good friends when one of them is married. It just doesn't work.
___________________________________________________________

Well. that feels mildly better.

It's Like I Waited my Whole Life, for this One Bite...er... night...

2009-12-13T18:17:00.003-05:00

So, I followed Jenney's suggestion and made the Pioneer Woman's mac and cheese.
Holy cow.
I grated an entire pound of cheese... Sent an emergency text to Jenney (that didn't go through for some reason) screaming "HELP! MY MILK, EGGS, AND FLOUR WON'T THICKEN!!" Seconds after that, it was amazingly thick.
I sprinkled a LOT of cheese on top, stuck it in the oven, and 25 minutes later. YIKES. This stuff is incredible. Absolutely amazing. Quite possibly the greatest thing I've ever cooked. Now, I realize that that statement doesn't mean much, since I haven't cooked very many things. But this stuff is GOOD.

The flash didn't quite allow me to capture the true beauty...So I turned it off.See? Gorgeous. It tastes good, too.

I'm not sure if you're aware...

2009-12-11T01:44:00.000-05:00

...but that was supposed to be me. =/