Blue eyes, you're the reason for my change.

This past weekend was so, so, so good. I'm not going to try to recap all of it, because I would fail.  However, I will share some pictures *in absolutely no order*... because I'm addicted to Piatt Lake.

Almost summer :)

Our version of the polar bear plunge.

Home.

Sunset+Lifeguard stand+Craig+Deep Conversation=Amazing

 

Higher than best.

Ohheybestfriend

Devotions on the lifeguard stand.

DOF.

Love.

These people have my back.

Days Like that Should Last, and Last, and Last

Such a great weekend.  I'm so thankful for my friends. 
So much laughter, so many great conversations, and SO many pictures.
More to come.

For now, I'm just... thankful.

So sorry you don't define me, sorry you don't own me

I decided something this morning.
It's probably something I should have decided a long time ago.
It's not really that revolutionary.
I decided that other people are no longer allowed to manipulate my emotions.
Especially if it's not my fault.
If I ask you something, and you make the answer awkward...
Why should I be up all night worrying about it?
If I am rejected by the world...
Why should that bother me?
I should count it as a blessing when I am persecuted.
I'm not a BarlowGirl fan, but these lyrics from the song "Mirror" were stuck in my head when I woke up.

"So sorry you won't define me
Sorry you don't own me
Who are you to tell me
That I'm less than what I should be?
Who are you? Who are you?
I don't need to listen
To the list of things I should do
I won't try, I won't try"

YOU DO NOT OWN ME.
Some people, might just be jerks.
That is NOT going to effect my daily life and definitely not my walk with Christ.
I'm done with the jerks. They're not going to define me anymore.
They don't own me.
I'm not theirs.
I'm my Daddy's. And He's got my back.

The memories they flood back, from all of our years...

They say history repeats itself.

They're wrong.

They make glib statements like "We'll keep in touch" and "We'll do it again next year."

It's not true.

They say things will never change

"The best laid plans of mice and men...."

Sometimes, they even start to make plans to do it again.

Of course, the plans fail.

They talk about reunions

But they never happen.

Christmas promises

Turn into January tears.

History does not repeat itself.

Memories cannot be recreated.

Things DO change

They're wrong.

And I hate it.

Things I have to finish in the next two weeks.

Poetry assignments
Lit take home exam
Lit final
Spanish test
Spanish verbal final
Spanish oral final
The Great Piatt Excursion (!!!)
Algebra test
Algebra tutor
Algebra final
Photography final
SAT
Kelly's prayer cards.
Holmberg photo shoot


Ughhhhhhhhhh.

Let's Pack Up and Move (from) California

I would just like to say...
I would really like it if Jenney would move to Michigan.
It would be really cool if these sleepovers and girl talks could be in real life, if she could share the delicious food she's always talking about, and if we could be watching the same movies so that we would actually understand half of our conversations.

At least come visit me?
I'll take you to Frankenmuth for Bronner's and copious amounts of chicken.
We'll go on photography excursions.
There will be LOTS of chick flicks and popcorn.
There's a fairly good chance of some giggling...
And most definitely we will talk for very long amounts of time.
We'll visit Piatt Lake... AND Hillsdale.
You can meet my people :)

You came to Michigan once. We sat awkwardly in a hotel room and played cards.
If you came back, that would not be the case.
Whattaya say?

ps: If you happened to bring a "vampire" or any cool kids with you... that would just be a bonus...

I read this on Andrew Schwab's blog, I. need. TRUTH, today.  I really like it.

"Think back to the first time you heard your favorite band.
Remember where you were. Think back to the smells, the colors of your surroundings. Recall the feelings it conjured up, the chills on the back of your neck, running all the way down your spine. Revisit how the melody, the guitar lines, the beats infiltrated your entire being. And finally, recapture what the words meant to you, how they completed and colored the emotional picture the music traced in your heart.
The sound, the words came together to connect with you. It was first love.
And soon after this first listen, this music became a soundtrack to vivid memories. You sang along in your room, in your car, in the shower, wailing with all your voice into the universe. Those songs acompanied you to school dances, sporting events, the beginning (and sometimes the ending) of relationships, weekend parties with friends.
It was passionate, this love you had discovered. And it was from the depths of you that this music spoke in, for, and through you. It changed you. It shaped you. It was a part of you. And it touched places inside of you that were deeper than you knew existed.
Listening to music is, was, and forever shall be..spiritual. It is more than just sound. It is a part of your soul.
And it is for me, too.
When I recall the first time I heard my favorite bands, I have specific emotions attached to specific memories as well, and they take me to a warm place that always brings a smile to my face.
I frequently tell people that loving music isn’t something I do, it’s something that I am.
But I know I am not the only one who would describe my relationship with sound this way…
All of us have this mythical connection to it.
Have you ever met someone who doesn’t love music? Probably not. It is a universal language. It transcends cultural differences, language barriers, and stereotypes. It is perhaps the most powerful medium that exists. It goes beyond the physical realm into the metaphysical. It has the power to transform nations and pierce the most hardened of hearts. At its best, it can heal, inspire, and conjure up the miraculous.
But have you ever wondered why music is such a powerful, universal medium? Have you ever wondered why we love it so much, why we are so drawn to both listening to it and creating it?
It is because we were made to hear, sing, and make music.
God created us for worship.
Just think about this the next time you are bobbing your head to your favorite song in your car, your room, or your kitchen. Think about this the next time you are listening to your iPod while you vacuum or run at the gym. Think about that the next time you just have to sing along to that amazing song you hear on the radio. And think about it the next time you are fooling around with Garageband or playing your chosen instrument or performing with your band.
You were created to make music. We all were.
And every time a note comes out of your mouth, out of your soul, you are displaying evidence that God made you. Every time you appreciate a song you hear, you are displaying the thumbprint of a creator. And this creator enjoys music, too. So much so, that he wants to hear it coming from us forever. He is the inventor of music itself.
And therefore, music itself is a gift to be celebrated.
I reflect on this because I so easily forget the reason why I do what I do. I so easily fall into the trappings of an industry (and a culture) that has reduced songs to mere products to be bought and sold. I so often forget that the value of this gift that has been placed in each of us.
When I was teenager, it was music that brought me through my most dark, lonely, and angry times. As a college student, it was being a music fan first that gave me the inspiration to make my own. And as an artist, it is listening to music that pushes to me to continue creating. And it is music, as an adult, that gives my life purpose while putting food on my table.
And while some would like to make us think that music is simply an ornament for our entertainment, our hearts tell us otherwise. We listen, sing, and create because it is a link between ourselves and the almighty.
I make and love music because it is in my soul to do so. And so do you.
It is a pointer to heaven, an evidence that we were created to worship forever.
Now go, make sounds that echo into eternity…
My heart is steadfast, O God; I will sing and make music with all my soul. Psalm 108:1"

-Andrew Schwab

In Honor of Rocky...

...My very negative friend who apparently reads this blog regularly,

I hereby will strive to stop:

• being boring: "Today I woke up. I got out of bed. I existed. I breathed. The end."
• being vague: "So sick of all this crap/I hope you know how you hurt me.Just want this to end."
• posting SO MANY lyrics (I can't stop entirely!)

I suddenly really want to drive back from the Soo all hyped up on Bawls while listening to the Screamo Saturday mix and talking about random crap.
I shall soon. Just with different people.

Solo Road Trip

Thursday:
Lunch with my family, late getting home, late start for Spring Arbor.
Talked to Kelly for a while, talked to Reuben for a while, drove in the rain.
Called Kimmee, warned her of my lateness.
Ended up not being late.
Early check-in.
Hugs. Panic. Relief- no "C**y R****r" was signed up for the visit.
Dinner. Springolian, and epic Rice Krispees.
Eric. Open hours. Shoes. Insane laughter. Girl with ADD off her meds.
Real check in. Insanity. "The other David"
Spider. Apples to Apples. Steak and Shake. Chicken fingers. Curfew.
Community bathrooms. Lofted bunk. Ladder. Sleep.

Friday:
Alarm. Snow on the library. No breakfast. 170 juniors in one room.
Chapel. WORSHIP. Intensity. Jesus. 
Spanish class. Feeling advanced. Lunch with Kimmee.
"You didn't see that." Library.
Professor meeting. Pointless. Admissions counselor. Closing.
Survey. Free tee-shirt. Hot car.
JCC. Jocie. Mary Kay. "Hi, my name's Alyssa." "Oh, hi Melissa."
Awkward meetings. Saying no. Locked doors. Hilarity.
Downtown Jackson. KFC. Getting lost. $1 CDs and sweatbands.
Attempted hair dye. fail. Junk food. Not going to sleep.

Saturday:
Hash browns. Flat iron. Dress. Park fail.
Hillsdale. Debate. Jocie hyperventilating.
Arboretum. Dramatic Duos. Hugs.
Cole Rd. Home. Hugs. Dinner. Marker run.
Madison. Pictures. Spanish poster. "Pop some corn."
Seinfeld. Sleep.

Sunday:
Lady. Papa. Alarm. No breakfast.
Sunday school. Pon. Uncle Steve.
Spanish with Mary. Church. Bored.
Making dinner. Ham. Potatoes. Too much pepper in the gravy.
Lazy afternoon. Babysitting. Dawn's. Internet. Alone.
Crossroads. Surprises. Hugs. Worship.
From the inside out, Lord my soul cries out.
Dinner. New and old friends. Laughing like a 12-year-old.
Stuttering and mocking. Pure joy. Maggie. Molly.
Home. "We'll leave the light on." Sleep.

Monday:
Alarm. Lady. Tears. Pack. Dressed.
Breakfast. Loading car. Devotions.
Goodbyes. Hugs. Tears. Driving.
Music. Quincy. Gas station. Tears.
I-69. Call Mom. Drive. Tears.
Too much water. Perry. Bathroom. Taco Bell.
Finally! Exit 138. Mott. Computer lab.
Class. Struggling to stay awake. Half-hearted notes.
Spanish. Get me out of here. Finally. Car.
Home. Dinner. Tired.
Goodnight.

My, Oh My, What A Beautiful Day Outside

The Classic Crime's new album is amazing.
I've played it 5 times through, and it arrived yesterday.
So, so good.
Didn't have to work today, and Sarah ended up not being able to meet for lunch, so I slept in until around 10.  I like sleeping in. Lit class was boring; I almost fell asleep. It was total lecture and no discussion, so the only person talking was the professor.  Not enjoyable.
We had Spanish in the Foreign Language lab... much more comfortable and laid-back than our normal classroom.  That's where my class will be for fall semester, which I'm pretty excited about.  I also get a new teacher, which I'm also happy about.
After Spanish I talked to Senora Nuzum about getting a tutoring job for fall semester.  She told me to talk to Senora Bueno-O'Donnell, so we'll see how that turns out.  It would be an amazing job.
Got home in time for dinner and one of the most random phone conversations I've had in a while (constipation, missions, traffic...), then it was off to youth group, where my mind wandered pretty much everywhere EXCEPT to the place where Mr. Ridley was. Whoops.
I have Algebra tomorrow, and then my epic weekend can begin. I am SO ready for this.


Only 3 more weeks of school.

Today

Hit snooze 4 times
Drag my carcass out of bed
Clothes
Ponytail
Brush teeth
Contacts
Mascara
Stumble upstairs
Delete blog post from last night due to dream I had involving it
Ponder said dream
Realize that said dream was REALLY bizaare.
Eat some mac and cheese (yes, for breakfast)
Find flip flops
Run to car in rain
Drive to school
Listen to new cd from The Classic Crime
Algebra
Receive texts from Emilyy and Levi.
Drive home in torrential downpour.
Eat lunch
Enter names for two hours
Vacuum basement
Begin reading Midsummer Night's Dream
Pause for dinner
Order 35mm lens for camera!!!!!
Keep reading
Keep reading
Half-heartedly answer journal questions
Decide to do Spanish in the morning
Stumble into bathroom
See spots from staring at computer screen for 6 hours of MND
Find "Audrey, Wait!"
Write this
Stumble to recliner with popcorn and book
Turn on American Idol
Read/watch/eat
Hot bath
SLEEEEEEEEEP


This has been a looooong day.

"If you really want to know something about me, you should know this. I like my music loud.  I mean loud.  I'm not talking the kind of loud where your parents knock on your bedroom door and ask you to turn it down.  Please. That's amateur hour.  When I say loud, I mean you-can't-hear-your-parents-knocking-and-the-neighbors-are-putting-a-FOR-SALE-sign-on-their-house-and-moving-to-another-block-because-they-can't-handle-the-constant-noise-anymore loud.  You have to turn it up so that your chest shakes and the drums get in between your ribs like a heartbeat and the bass goes up your spine and frizzles your brain and all you can do is dance or spin in a circle or just scream along because you know that however this music makes you feel, it's exactly right."

 -Audrey, Wait! by Robin Benway

The Little Things

It doesn't take much to make me happy, that's just the kind of girl I am.  So many little things make my day, so I decided to start a list of them here.  I'll probably add to it as I go, then ask Jenney to add a link to my page.  She's savvy when it comes to that stuff. Ha! Jenney! Remember when you used to say "savvy" all the time? Ahem. Anyway. Here goes.

Little Things that Bring me Great Joy
Praise and worship
Sunshine
Rain
Driving with my windows down and my music up
Surprise phone calls
Funny texts
Staying up late talking with friends
Laughing until my sides hurt
Speaking Spanish
Watching retarded movies with my friends
Driving with Rocky
Passion fruit
Pandora
Weekends in Hillsdale
When Ian Joseph says "Aah-aah"
Successful Jared talks
Counselor talks with Dawn
Long phone calls
Taking cool pictures
When Ian nestles his head down on my shoulder. (my cousin, not my big brother)
Seeing people again
Long hugs
Clean sheets
Flip-flops
Getting mail
Hugs and backrubs from my "big brother"
Impromptu photo shoots
Large aperture/depth of field/manual focus
"Sleepovers" with Jenney.
Seinfeld
Catching a whiff of something that smells like a memory.
New CDs
Checking the tracking on an order
Signing my paychecks
Songs that describe my current situation perfectly



...more to come

If My Heart Was a House, You'd Be Home

Today was like summer.
Bike ride.
Grilled steak.
Fresh salad.
Door open.
Windows down.
Music up.
Grimy feet.
The smell of outside.
81 degrees on the way to get groceries.
Shorts and flip-flops.
:)

Hope, Dangles on a String, Like Slow Spinning Redemption

My hair smells like smoke from the first bonfire of the season. I have a stomachache from eating too many "Outdated but Still Good" Sandwich Creme Cookies. I had forgotten how hilarious Aaron could be. B** ******s can do whatever he wants. I drove home from school with my windows down and Dashboard Confessional CRANKED up.  I sang the WHOLE way home, even when I got stopped at a train and the people beside me also had their windows down.  Good talks with Molly, good discussion at youth group.  It's one of those times when I can't use paragraphs.  Easter is going to mean so much more this year.  "It's like... How can I not be head over heels in love with my Savior?"  Jenney's home. I got an A on my Lit exam.  I missed debate for the third or fourth time this year just now, when I looked at Buzz and saw my name.  I'm going to the Hillsdale tournament. I need to work on those prayer cards for Kelly tomorrow. And the Easter bulletin.  I get to see my small cousins on Friday. I need to do my photography assignment.  I'm really tired.  Today was a good day.