Peruvian Best Friend

I'm sitting here at my table, choking back tears.  Why?  My best friend is moving on Thursday. 

This isn't your ordinary move- a few cities over, maybe a state or two.  It's not even cross-country.  

 No, Ben is moving from Lima, Peru, to Zurich, Switzerland.  My dear, dear Peruvian best friend, whom I see once a year, will now be even further from me. 

Such an eternal connection has been formed in the 3 years I've known him.  I can't even believe that he's moving.

 When we said goodbye in Peru this year, we knew that there was a chance.  There was a chance he wouldn't be there in 2011, a chance he would be in Switzerland.

I clung to that hope while at the airport.  It was the only way I could possibly keep it together.

 I have never been good with goodbyes.  Saying goodbye for a year is bad enough.  I could not let myself consider the possibility that it was goodbye for... forever.

 Those final hugs, choked back tears, last insults... they've become more poignant now.  I can't imagine a Peru trip without Ben.  Who am I supposed to share my iPod with?!

Sure, we'll be able to talk once he gets to Switzerland and finds an internet cafe.  Of course, I'll send him letters and blow my money on international calling cards.  But having no idea when and if I will see him again on this earth... it's heartwrenching.

 Who is going to insult me, then laugh and say "just kidding, dude?"  Who's going to speak with that great Beaner accent?

 Ben Castillo del Geiser... I am going to miss you so incredibly much.  I will look forward to Heaven even more now.

Random memories are coursing through my brain... so here we go.

This year, Ben was at the airport when we got to Pucallpa.  I sprinted through the crowd to hug him, and as he hugged me back he said "I just cropdusted you."

Gooch Monkey. The end.
How much does "THIS" cost?
The first year... watching youtube videos and listening to music at his house.
Being connected by an iPod cord no matter where we went.

The "blessing" on his last night this year.

I'm sorry that this is so rambling and not correct grammatically and whatever.  It helped to get it out.

Everyone in this room seems hell-bent on annoying me to death today.

My Dreams vs. Your Dreams

A long time ago (8th or 9th grade), I attended a youth rally in Southgate.  Most of it, to be honest, was really lame... local bands, a youth pastor who had never had any form of training.. but one point from one speaker really stuck with me.  He read 

Psalm 34:7, "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart."

Then he talked about how often this verse is misinterpreted.  So many people read this verse and think "Oh, cool! I'm a Christian now, so now I'm going to get whatever I want!"  When that doesn't happen, they get mad at God, feeling like they've been gipped somehow.  That, obviously, is incorrect.  


We were told to focus on the first part of the verse, "Delight yourself in the Lord." To delight ourselves in the Lord means finding all of our joy and our delight in Him and Him alone.  It means leaning wholeheartedly on Him, and trusting in His plan.  THEN, said the speaker, the desires of our heart will begin to be the same as God's desires for us, and we will realize and attain those desires.


Paraphrasing, this verse would then read:

Delight yourself in the Lord, and His desires will become Your desires, and then He will give you the desires of your heart (which are the desires of His heart for you.)

This brings us to today.  As I read and ate lunch, my mind started wandering.  It started traveling into the land of What If, the country of If Only, and the continent of I Wish.  While I was thinking and praying about a certain situation, I prayed "Oh Lord, that is truly my dream."


Then, in the same breath, a fraction of a second later, a burst of realization "Of course, that doesn't matter, until my dream and Your dream are the same.  Until I am truly delighting myself in You."

I can't begin to explain how I feel about this poem.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
--ee cummings 

Miriam Adeney

"You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart always will be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place." -Miriam Adeney, anthropologist.


I read this quote in College Park Church's Vision Trip manual, which I'm currently reading for a project I'm working on for Pastor Doug.  The quote was in relation to debriefing from a missions trip.  Tears sprang (sprung?) to my eyes the second I read it, because it is SO TRUE.


No matter where I go, no matter what I'm doing, Peru is always so close to the surface.  I am always restless.  The mere sound of Spanish being spoken makes my heart leap.  Certain smells and tastes take me back almost immediately to those smoky, dusty streets.  A picture, a song, a memory, a random quote, and I'm in tears again.


PART OF MY HEART will always be there.  I will never be completely at home again.

Random Happiness

As I was trudging down the hall towards my Spanish classroom today, I glanced at the drinking fountain.  I'm not entirely certain why I glanced at the drinking fountain, maybe to size up its cleanliness for future reference.  At any rate, my glance led to a second glance, which led to me spotting a piece of folded paper.

"Please open," said the paper in bubbly, girlish handwriting.  Curiosity got the best of me, and I obliged. "You never know what a simple compliment will do to someone's day.  Have a wonderful day!  Keep this trend going around the campus- leave your compliment somewhere random at Mott!"