It's Official

...I'm in love with the ocean.

I love...

State fairs
Ian Joseph
Snuggling with babies (specifically the aforementioned Ian Joseph)
Italian food
Music
Trying to make Jenney stop breathing
Being a creeper
When Ian reaches his arms up because he wants ME to pick him up
When Ian is sleepy and burrows his head into my shoulder
Ian in general
Piling on the giant bed
Late night ice cream
Ghiradelli chocolate
When my waitress is from Peru
Baby calves
Being unable to breathe from a picture...
:]]

Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow (Or: A Brief Break from Studying Like Mad)

What I did yesterday: Slept in. Went back to classes for the first time after being sick for a week. Realized that being sick for a week was a bad idea. Found out that I have two exams on Wednesday (read: tomorrow.) Panicked. Came home. Dealt with panic by eating dinner and watching mindless television with Mom. (Notice the total lack of "studying"???)

What happened today: Slept in a little. Drove to school in blizzard conditions. Took a math exam that I didn't know existed. Got an 80. Not pleased. Drove home in blizzard-er conditions. Ate lunch. Talked to Kelly. Talked to Emilyy. Did PowWow's with Molly Marie. Ran out of time to do homework/study. Worked for three hours. Read half of "Bartleby, the Scrivener," by Melville. Cursed Melville in my head. Ate dinner. Read the other half of Bartleby. Stopped hating Melville because my brain was too confused to hate. Attempted to answer the journal questions. Realized that I still have two exams tomorrow. Thought about studying. Decided to write a blog post.

What I have to do tomorrow: Work for three hours. Eat lunch. Go to class (though I'm crossing my fingers for a snow day.) If there's not a snow day, burn down MCC. Evade police. Take 2 exams (still crossing fingers for cancellations.) Pack everything I need for 10 days in a rolling duffel and a backpack. Pick up my visitor's pass from Curve's. Contemplate the need for a Curve's membership if I never go. Decide to keep it, just to feel good about myself. Not die on the blizzard-y roads.

*sigh*
I guess I'll go study now. I hate studying. And this literature homework. And Melville. Oh wait. There's no room in my brain to hate Melville. I'm too confused by him.

Real Worship

The room is lit by a single lamp. I can hear the strains of piano music slipping under the door. Peeking in the window, I see my best friend. I slip in the door quietly, not wanting to interrupt him. He stops playing anyway, and looks up.

"Can I listen to you play for a while?" I ask. "Everyone's going crazy in the other room and I just want to think about Jesus."

He nods silently and goes back to playing while I pull a chair up to the piano. As I sit down, he begins to sing.

how long have I/been in this storm/so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form/water's getting harder to tread/with these waves crashing over my head/if I could just see you/everything will be alright/if I'd see you/the storminess will turn to light/and I will walk on water/and you will catch me if I fall/and I will get lost into your eyes/and everything will be alright

The song ends, and I applaud jokingly, but I can tell that I've walked in on a very intimate moment, and frankly, I'm still fighting. I slip out of the room.

Back in the cafeteria, a couple of rowdy card games are going. Someone has stolen the box of Cheez-It Party Mix that I left on a table. My tea is cold. Everyone is laughing and talking loudly, the mood of the night's service almost completely forgotten. Something pulls me back into that room.

This time I slip in without saying anything, and the music doesn't stop. He's playing my favorite worship song, but it's not for me. He barely notices me as I sit down in the same chair.

We are His portion and He is our prize/Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes/If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking/And Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss/and my heart turns violently inside of my chest/I can't find time to maintain these regrets/when I think about the way/He loves us, oh how He loves us/Oh, how He loves us/Oh, how He loves...

I sit in my chair silently, listening to Jared play and sing. I can tell that He's singing only to Jesus, and that it wouldn't matter if I was in the room. Outside the window, people sprint past, having just participated in the polar bear plunge. Inside, though, the room is still. My heart is full. I close my eyes as the song starts over, this time with slightly different lyrics.

You love me, oh, how You love me/Oh, how You love me/Oh how You've shown me/How You love me/And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss/And my heart turns wildly inside my chest/And I can't find time to maintain my regrets/When I think about, when I think about, when I think about the way/You love me/Oh, how You love/Oh, I'm not worthy/I am not worthy/Oh, I'm not worthy/Oh, my Lord/What have you gotten yourself into?

This moment, this night... I know I'll remember it for a very long time. My best friend is not God, and he is not perfect. Watching him praise, I was reminded of this again. I also was reminded of the very real fact that none of us deserve our Savior. All we can do is come humbly before Him, thankful that He, for whatever reason, wants us.

Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I love ya, Tomorrow...

Winter Retreat is tomorrow!
WINTER RETREAT is tomorrow!
Winter Retreat IS tomorrow!
Winter Retreat is TOMORROW!
WINTER RETREAT IS TOMORROW!!!!

*tries to breathe*

What? Who? Me? Excited? Pshh.

So here's the deal.

Tonight: shower the remaining illness off of myself. Go shopping for snacks/drinks/slippers for the weekend. PACK. Take some more cough syrup and crash early.

Tomorrow: Up early. Finish packing. Photography class. Lunch. Drive to Nana and Papa Baker's. Chill for an hour or so. Go to the farm. Hugs. Check in. Hugs. DEPARTURE!!!

Tomorrow night: RETREAT! Jesus, friends, music, games...

Saturday: Repeat Friday night, only better

Sunday: Service, lunch/brunch, recap video, lots of driving. Arrive back at the farm. Hugs. Goodbyes. Tears. Back to Nana and Papa's. Pick up annual bag of homemade popcorn. Hugs. Tears. Drive home.

This weekend is going to be so wonderful! I've literally been waiting three months for this... retreat is always where things turn around for me, start to look up. And heaven knows, I'm ready for that.
TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!

I go now. I must wash the remaining sick from my body. :)

"Oh, we haven't talked in like two weeks."
"Are you mad at him?"
"No."
"Is he mad at you?"
"No."
"Then what's going on?"
"I have no idea."
Two days...

Yikes

I wasn't feeling well, so I decided to lay down during the 40 minutes I had between work and school.
Mom came in to wake me up 10 minutes before I should have left, and I convinced her to let me miss class today. (I really wasn't feeling well.)
FOUR HOURS later, I woke up.
I haven't taken a nap that long since I was 6.
And now I think I'm going to go back to sleep.
What on earth is wrong with me?!