Real Worship

The room is lit by a single lamp. I can hear the strains of piano music slipping under the door. Peeking in the window, I see my best friend. I slip in the door quietly, not wanting to interrupt him. He stops playing anyway, and looks up.

"Can I listen to you play for a while?" I ask. "Everyone's going crazy in the other room and I just want to think about Jesus."

He nods silently and goes back to playing while I pull a chair up to the piano. As I sit down, he begins to sing.

how long have I/been in this storm/so overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form/water's getting harder to tread/with these waves crashing over my head/if I could just see you/everything will be alright/if I'd see you/the storminess will turn to light/and I will walk on water/and you will catch me if I fall/and I will get lost into your eyes/and everything will be alright

The song ends, and I applaud jokingly, but I can tell that I've walked in on a very intimate moment, and frankly, I'm still fighting. I slip out of the room.

Back in the cafeteria, a couple of rowdy card games are going. Someone has stolen the box of Cheez-It Party Mix that I left on a table. My tea is cold. Everyone is laughing and talking loudly, the mood of the night's service almost completely forgotten. Something pulls me back into that room.

This time I slip in without saying anything, and the music doesn't stop. He's playing my favorite worship song, but it's not for me. He barely notices me as I sit down in the same chair.

We are His portion and He is our prize/Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes/If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking/And Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss/and my heart turns violently inside of my chest/I can't find time to maintain these regrets/when I think about the way/He loves us, oh how He loves us/Oh, how He loves us/Oh, how He loves...

I sit in my chair silently, listening to Jared play and sing. I can tell that He's singing only to Jesus, and that it wouldn't matter if I was in the room. Outside the window, people sprint past, having just participated in the polar bear plunge. Inside, though, the room is still. My heart is full. I close my eyes as the song starts over, this time with slightly different lyrics.

You love me, oh, how You love me/Oh, how You love me/Oh how You've shown me/How You love me/And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss/And my heart turns wildly inside my chest/And I can't find time to maintain my regrets/When I think about, when I think about, when I think about the way/You love me/Oh, how You love/Oh, I'm not worthy/I am not worthy/Oh, I'm not worthy/Oh, my Lord/What have you gotten yourself into?

This moment, this night... I know I'll remember it for a very long time. My best friend is not God, and he is not perfect. Watching him praise, I was reminded of this again. I also was reminded of the very real fact that none of us deserve our Savior. All we can do is come humbly before Him, thankful that He, for whatever reason, wants us.