Closure. It's a beautiful thing.

This is how it feels to be free...

Honesty.
Truth.
Freedom.
The elephant has jumped off my chest.
Thank you.
Listening.
Still laughing.
Girls' night.
Movies.
500 Days of Summer.
Tears.
Death Cab for Cutie.
Knowing that there's still a "Doug."
Laughing more.
Nick and Norah.
Beauty.
The gaping hole is slowly closing.
Happiness.

Someday, you will be loved.

It's Like I'm Dreaming in Color

Post Christmas Chaos:
Four Hours Later:
Yeah. I CLEANED my room.

I get it!

I think I get it... Family Christmas isn't about this:It's about this:and this:I think this was the first Christmas that I really "got" it... Watching Ian open his presents was the highlight of the holiday. I loved everything I was given, but it was more fun to give this year. Looking on as my one-year-old cousin opened the pounding bench we gave him, and then stuck the hammer in his mouth like a pipe, was worth more than the clothes and games I received.
It's all because of the baby... not just the one in our family, but the One who is the reason for the holiday. Without Him, I wouldn't have a happy family. I wouldn't love Christmas, and we wouldn't have a reason to celebrate.

Someday, You Will Be Loved

I once knew a boy
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth
In the morning I fled
Left a note and it read
Someday you will be loved.

I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
Someday you will be loved

Merry Christmas Eve Eve!!!!

There's snow on this side of the state.

I helped my grandma frost cookies.

I ate some ramen noodles for the first time in six weeks. (Not really Christmas related, but they were yummy.)

I ended with a 4.0 in Spanish; my other grades haven't been posted yet.

I get to see my baby cousin tomorrow.

But he's not a baby anymore.

Tomorrow is Uncle John's Christmas Eve service, followed by appetizers at Nanny's.

Then it's CHRISTMAS!!!

There's no other Man who could raise the dead.

Turning off my music and taking off my headphones is a bit like waking up from a really good dream.

Sidewalks scream our name...

"Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. When each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me." If you can name the book that quote comes from... without google-ing it, I'll give you... my utmost admiration :)

I'm ALMOST done Christmas shopping. I just have to return the part of Kaylie's present that's the wrong size, and get a new one... which means I get to drive ALL THE WAY back out to Micheal's... where creativity happens.

Lots of music at church this morning... and CORBAN WAS BACK!!! He was there, in his dress blues, all military-looking. And he's getting MARRIED. That just absolutely blows my mind. Pastor Brad preached about defending the validity of the virgin birth... the small children sang songs, the choir sang, and Joe and his dad sang/played Oh Holy Night at the beginning of church. It was a nice service :) I feel a little more Christmas-y now.

This is what made me miss my exit...

It was just a few years in the making now.
The two were locked in a heated dispute,
'Cause he was gone when she needed him more.
Then she could really ever let on to.

They were the poster perfect high school sweethearts,
But moving out can't erase the time.
The two had spent on working it out and
Everybody knew that they were out of their minds.

Oh, you know you really need to settle down,
Let it go.
You know you really need to settle down,
You really need to let it go.

Consider this, he was moving on while
She was busy trying to pass the time
Between the previous and next nervous breakdown.
The girl had given up the love of her life.
And all the time that she was givin' up slowly
he didn't notice when she ran away
and when it came to finally letting him on
well this is every single word she'd say...

Oh, you know you really need to settle down,
Let it go.
You know you really need to settle down,
No you really need to let it go.
For good, forget his lies -
It's the only way to save your life.
'Cause this is restitution
For the love you've thrown away.

I've got to put a stop to all this, to all this being separated and then cut off.

Note: The "you"s in this particular post refer to SO MANY incredibly different people... that it's probably best if you don't analyze it too much. I just need to get this all out...
_____________________________________________________________

When I opened the fridge today, I saw the bottle. It's been in there since June, but today I had to move it to make more room. Guaraná. I was saving it... for our reunion. You know, the one I've been planning in my brain since the last one ended. We were going to break trees, and hide in the woods when cars went by, and look at thousands of pictures from everything that's happened since the last time. We were going to laugh and talk. You were going to pass massive amounts of gas and blame it on the cat. Plans change. You've changed. I've changed. You don't have time for that now. You've got other priorities. I am no longer on the list of people you have to care about. I don't even know it you'll read this. And apparently it's time for me to drink that Guaraná already... by myself.

_____________________________________________________________

I need you to need me as much as I need you. I can't bear the thought that someday I might wake up, and you'll just be gone. I can't handle it. At all. Everytime I think about it, my chest feels like there's an elephant sitting on it.. my head spins, and I can't breathe. Don't you dare go anywhere.
______________________________________________________________

It's not the same when you're not there. Who do I roll my eyes at when he says "lady gaGAH?" Who do I laugh with? Who do I talk to? Who do I sit by? Who do I pass notes to? No one. And they wonder why I'm in a bad mood, why I don't feel well. Deduce, Sherlock.
__________________________________________________________

It's not the actual getting married that I'm sad about. It's the fact that I'm losing another close friend... I can't keep being friends with you once you're married to her. Sure, she's great, and I'm glad you're in love... but girls and guys can't continue to be good friends when one of them is married. It just doesn't work.
___________________________________________________________

Well. that feels mildly better.

It's Like I Waited my Whole Life, for this One Bite...er... night...

So, I followed Jenney's suggestion and made the Pioneer Woman's mac and cheese.
Holy cow.
I grated an entire pound of cheese... Sent an emergency text to Jenney (that didn't go through for some reason) screaming "HELP! MY MILK, EGGS, AND FLOUR WON'T THICKEN!!" Seconds after that, it was amazingly thick.
I sprinkled a LOT of cheese on top, stuck it in the oven, and 25 minutes later. YIKES. This stuff is incredible. Absolutely amazing. Quite possibly the greatest thing I've ever cooked. Now, I realize that that statement doesn't mean much, since I haven't cooked very many things. But this stuff is GOOD.

The flash didn't quite allow me to capture the true beauty...So I turned it off.See? Gorgeous. It tastes good, too.

I'm not sure if you're aware...

...but that was supposed to be me. =/

They just spin in perfect little circles, and that's all that they know

Another blah English class today. Peer editing is no fun when none of the people in your class understand basic grammar.
"No, you see... when it's y-o-u-r, you're indicating possession..."
Christmas shopping with the youth group was fun. We ate at Quizno's. I like to say "toasty bullet."
I wrote my first ever letter of two weeks notice today. THAT was fun. *sarcasm*
Spanish exam in the morning, then like 3 hours to kill between classes. We're watching a Ken Burns documentary in History class. I hope he's British. British people are the only reason to watch documentaries.
I'm praying for a snow day.

I feel, like this is going nowhere.

I hate research papers.
I just opened my evidence box from last year... wow. I think I miss debate a little bit.
I need to go somewhere.
I need to meet with my boss soon.
I love Underoath. And Emery. And now, August Burns Red. And concerts.

Christmas is coming!

Hehe. It just hit me the other day that it's almost Christmas. Why?
Hmm. Well, in no particular order:
-We now have a large, artificial evergreen tree in our living room.
-The checkout screen at work reminds me to say "Happy Holidays" as people leave. (I say Merry Christmas- I'm a rebel. And also a CHRISTian. Therefore I celebrate CHRISTmas.)
-I went Christmas shopping for a little bit today. I have three people's gifts almost ready to wrap!
-There are Christmas drive (sorry. Holiday drive) boxes up at Mott.

Unrelated to Christmas, I just bought The Fold's new CD for $8.99. They didn't charge for shipping, and they're SIGNING it. Merry early Christmas to me!