And If I Do Not Miss A Part Of You, A Part Of Me Is Dead

You still cross my mind from time to time
And I mostly smile
Still so set on finding out
Where we went wrong and
Why
So I retrace our every step with an unsure pen
Try to figure out what my head thinks
But
My head, just ain't what it used to be
Then again
What's the point anyway?
I remember you ascending all the stairs up to the balcony
To see if you could see me, hidden quietly away
I remember the skin of your fingers
The spot three-quarters of mine always touched when I was out of things to say
You held my hand but you were to afraid to speak
You were to afraid to speak and I could never understand
I remember when you leaned in quick to kiss me and I swear
Not a single force on earth could stop the trembling of my hand.
I remember how you smiled through the smoke
In a crowded little coffee house
And laughed at all my jokes
and I remember the way that you dressed
How we wasted all the best of us in alcohol and sweat
And I remember when I knew that you'd be leaving
How I barely kept on breathing
And I swear if we could do it all again
I'd feel the same pain
I remember painting circles in the terminal in tears
How I wept to God in fits
I've hated airports ever since!
It must be true what people say
That only time can heal the pain
And every single day I feel it fade away
But
I still remember how the distance tricked us
And led us helpless by the wrist
Into a pit to be devoured
I still remember how we held so strong to this
Though we had never really settled on a way out
I still remember the silence
And how we'd always find a way to turn and run to our mistakes
I still remember how it all came back together
Just to fall apart again.
My dear, I hear your voice in mine
I've been alone here, I've been afraid, my dear
I've been at home here, you've been away for years, I've been alone
I breathed your name into the air
I etched your name into me
I felt my anger swelling, I swam into its sea
I held your name inside my heart
But it got buried in my fear
It tore the wiring of my brain
I did my best to keep it clear.
So dear, no matter how we part
I hold you sweetly in my head.
And if I do not miss a part of you
A part of me is dead.
If I can't love you as a lover
I will love you as a friend
And I will lay a bed before you
Keep you safe until the end.
-Andria


I just posted most of that from memory.  I need to go listen to La Dispute for about 3 hours now.  It's been too long.  Their lyrics are just so raw and gorgeous.